tuesday, 1 feb 2022, 01:14 // desk under bed @ lb airbnb

whats up! i guess this is my first biproduct entry that does not take place on my personal website. kind of not sure if this is something i will continue, but i love the concept of a web3 blog to go along with my very very web2 website.

heres a pic of me right now:

i think this is a really cool platform. i first came across it when i was reading about sound.xyz. then it came around again when i was reading camoufly’s wonderful guide on music nfs.

im not entirely sure this is going to become a new platform for me to replace the bp project, but i guess for now i am curious to try.

here is a thing i made today:

i am trying to figure out what it means to make stuff i dont really like but still share it because it was fun to fuck around for a little while. the above is an example of the first steps of this process. :)

i came across this joseph gordon levitt ted talk today on attention, and i just thought it was super fucking rad. i got hella jazzed about some of the concepts in it and had to call my sibling and talk it out. i wish i could link to a specific comment on a youtube video but since i cannot here is the quote:

I’m not an actor, but I took some classes many years ago. Our teacher used to say: “Be interested, not interesting.” This has been most useful advice for me when interacting with people and with the world.

be interested, not interesting. this shit is DYNAMITE powerful to me. i have spent so many years trying to cultivate my instagram presence or my twitter posts such that people will find me engaging and intriguing. i always looked to heavily stylized profiles like brakence or AJ BLACK or even my homies colton droubli and daym and just felt like “damn, why is it that i can never cultivate that vibe that makes people want to pay attention to me”.

….bruh.

this is some FLAWED ass thinking. one of the things joseph gordon-levitt said in his ted talk:

“the more I go after that powerful feeling of paying attention, the happier i am. but the more I go after the powerful feeling of getting attention, the unhappier i am.”

i cannot even describe how powerful this was for me to have all of this knowledge just slamming into me. pretty much every positive thing that has ever come of my life was because i was SO HYPED about something and shared that joy with a person or the world. my earnestness and authentic excitement is a superpower. im gonna cut here to some other biproduct episode (article? entry? fuckit we’ll workshop) that was supposed to come out before this one but i never got around to it. hopefully you will see how this all connects.

own ur shit and be you thats all u need to do!!!

so i was sitting at a coffee shop taking brief break from some work and i remembered this time i hung out with a person i thought was really cool. for some reason i felt super resistant to dming them to see if they wanted to hang out.

ever since i moved to la i have had a lot of difficulty seeking out new friendships as well as calling upon friendships i have managed to build. i realized that a lot of the way i feel is that i don’t want to come across weird or creepy or even something as embarrassing as not wanting to be perceived as uncool.

i tried to write a message to hit them up and i kept getting that crawly feeling where u don’t want to do something out of some sort of fear or embarrassment. i wrote the following note to myself in response to me feeling that feeling:

“why is it embarrassing for me to be excited about wanting to hang out w a person? thats fuckin sad as hell. u are literally making your earnestness and excitability a bad thing. your earnestness is straight fucking up not a bad thing. you do this often, why? you are constantly thinking u are not cool just because u like to do things and meet people and be open and welcoming and community oriented.

you’ve got this. you are not creepy for thinking of someone and wanting to spend time with them.”

this statement that i wrote really put things into perspective to me. like i really have no idea why i limit myself like this. i had a conversation with peyton later where i realized that i had had an interaction a day earlier where i felt threatening and all i was trying to do was express excitement for something i found cool. 

this year i want to work on recognizing that i am soft and beautiful and i can make mistakes and mis-speak without being threatening. i am not threatening, straight up. and everyone that i hang out with is energy sensitive and will just straight up not feel me that way :) 

i love and approve of myself

ok, so im back to present wilson

…which i know is probably not the most clear to the reader because by the time this is out all of this will be past wilson…. but anyfuckinwho this is the wilson that started this article, not the wilson that just cut to that older section ok i hope thats clear.

im grateful dawg. i am just grateful.

i am grateful that i get to learn new things about myself daily. i am grateful i get to participate in a world where new and exciting things are always happening. im grateful i get to become a better person and help others do the same. im grateful that every day i am alive i feel more abundant and more joy.

computers are cool, look at some of these weird tweets i tweeted today:

ok thats all i got for now. ‘¯\(ツ)/¯

-wilson