I'm a slow talker by nature. If I wasn't crazy, I wouldn't have a stand-up comedian. To this day, Zhang Jiaxin feels this way. He is making rapid progress. After speaking for four months, he landed a gig at the Crazy show -- a leap for newcomers. At the end of the show, in the relaxed atmosphere of dinner, a fellow performer suddenly asked him, in front of everyone else, a question no one in the club had ever asked him before: "Xiao Jia, what the hell is going on with you?" He leng for a moment, calmly answer: "is a neurological disease, the doctor said may not be able to recover." Beneath his calm exterior, he had a feeling that his scar had been torn open. He doesn't talk about his body off-stage, much less on stage. "It was a very mysterious part of me at that time, and I couldn't say it, or I didn't have that kind of openness." Xiao Jia said. With this self-preservation in mind, in December 2020, he went to the Laugho Culture training Camp. For five days he maintained a state of trepidation and was polite to everyone. "It's hard for me to ask people if I can have a meal, including on wechat, and I'm afraid of causing social distress to others." 'he said. The first day of open mic, Xiao Jia did not do well. Between classes the next day, he summoned up courage and asked Cheng Lu, the chief scriptwriter of Xiaoguo Culture, how to revise it. "It's not the jokes. You can't pretend something doesn't exist." This time, Cheng decided to skip the euphemism, "You may not want to talk about these things, but there will be confusion, not knowing whether you are performing or really have a physical problem. You have to get rid of the elephant in the room first." In the days leading up to the performance, Xiao Jia had a lot of questions on her mind: "Should I talk or not? Will the audience take it? Can I handle it myself? Can I tell it well?" He wrestled and wrote in that direction. Until the last day, he made up his mind. He won the third place in the graduation show. "The response was the most enthusiastic I've seen in six months." "He recalled. Elephant This elephant is born. At the age of three, Zhang Jiaxin could not speak. His mother read Tang poems to him every day and let him feel the vibrations in her throat. One day, he suddenly could pronounce. But to this day, his pronunciation is not smooth. The illness caused some trouble with his movement. He walks slowly and his hands often shake. Because his right hand was more difficult to control than his left, he wrote with his left hand. However, his writing was still very slow and he could not finish his composition in every exam. Today, he types with only one hand, straining to hold the microphone on stage. When I met strangers, his hands would subconsciously behind his back; When sitting in a chair, he would press his hands firmly under his hips; He did not dare to carry the bowl at dinner for fear that his hands would shake and make the dishes fall out. Once, the barber said to him, "Is there something wrong with you? Why do you keep moving around?" Since then, getting a haircut has been an ordeal. Relatives would talk to his parents to his face. Aunt was the person who loved him the most, but she would also say something very direct: "You should practice this hand, or you will go out to find a job later who will want you." The speaker has no intention, but the listener has heart. Mr Zhang instinctively felt that such comments "would be embedded in me". In elementary and middle school, he was bullied by his classmates. Bullying doesn't need a reason. They called him names, kicked him and hit him. As he passed down the hall, a whole row of students stared at him in a strange way. He changed school once, from the town to the county, so in addition to the body, discrimination is another layer, "you are a child from the countryside". His grades plummeted and he was held back. Faced with bullying, he fought back once. But fighting back resulted in an even harder beating. He learned to live with it. No resistance, no intercession, no tears. "It's like it's becoming routine, and people like me deserve to be bullied," he said. Two times in his memory, he cried because of his body, both from teachers. Once in junior high school, a straight-talking teacher said to him in the office, "I see that your handwriting is not good. You should have some disability in your hand. But it takes practice." He felt a great deal of resistance, and of course he did badly on the exam. Until one day in the second semester, he wrote a letter in his exercise book and shared his ideas with the teacher. The teacher apologized, saying he had made an honest mistake, and his heart was open. Another time, in a high school English class, the teacher used the word "disabled" as an example. He was so angry that he went to talk to his teacher after class, but this time he didn't get an apology. "In this case, you have to admit that the fire is not covered in paper." "Said the teacher. Outside the campus, he faced more "special treatment." After high school, he took a summer job in a factory. Other workers talked about him in front of him, except for an aunt who cleaned and was kind to him. But at the end of the first day, she had two one-dollar bills and asked him, "Do you know how much these two bills add up to?" He would later joke about it on talk shows, but as it happened, "it felt like the world was falling apart." In the second year of middle school, Zhang Jianxin had his first real friend: a girl named Lu Weiping from his class. Lu Weiping is a pretty girl who has a bad temper but is very popular. It was not until she became friends with Zhang Jiaxin that she noticed that he was bullied by others in the class. Every time this happened, she would stand up and fight back against the annoying boys. Her starting point is always "why did they go so far?" rather than "Jiaxin is pathetic." It was a friendship that continues to this day. After graduating from high school, Lu Weiping received birthday wishes from Zhang Jianxin every year. In turn, she seldom remembers his birthday. During Lu Weiping's two years abroad, Zhang Jianxin would buy some fruits and gifts to visit her home and chat with her family during festivals and festivals. He won't tell her the whole story. Her family told it after the fact. In 2020, Lu Weiping got married, and Zhang Jiaxin drew a painting for her. He planned a show at the wedding without telling her. He gathered a few friends from high school, dressed in their school uniforms, and stood in a line on the stage to sing. Finally, each of them presented a flower to the new couple. There was a lot of crying on stage and off. "At school, he would often say that I was a very important person to him. In fact, along the way, I think, he was more with me." Lu Weiping said softly. Xiao Jia, who does not get angry, has a lot of experience in Internet operation and often shares the way of new media with the staff of crazy comedy. Lucy, the club owner, noticed that he kept his posture very low to avoid creating pressure on others. "He would say he didn't know it at all. He learned it slowly." "Said Lucy. Xiao Jia describes herself as a person who does not get angry. "There are a lot of unreasonable little things in this world, but that doesn't mean the world is bad. The world is good." 'he said. Zhang Jiaxin is a sensitive and sensitive person by nature, and you can easily imagine what these two things add up to. So, how did Zhang Jiaxin become the Xiaojia he is today? Li Chunhua, an insurance salesman in Pinghe County, Zhangzhou, Fujian province, ranked top in the sales department assessment every year. In this small county without high-speed rail, insurance is not easy to do, and practitioners come and go, but she has been doing it for more than 20 years. Hard work and honesty are what keep her alive in this industry. In her opinion, this is her son Zhang Jiaxin's character and her most similar two. There is something in her son that the mother is ashamed of. After her son went to college, Li Chunhua found several thank-you letters from the county welfare home when she was sorting through her old things. "Brother, I will study hard in the future." "The letter read. The letter included a photo of his son with his children in class. He did these things without ever telling her. In Zhang Jiaxin's opinion, the head teacher at the beginning of the period is the person who has a great influence on him. At the end of the military training, the class teacher nominated him first. He came in second out of four or five candidates, but he was still very popular. Class teacher is not preferential treatment for him, Zhang Jiaxin did not write homework, will also be bamboo hand plate. But that's what he wants -- to be treated like a normal person. Everything connected. He had his first friend, and then more friends. To many of Mr. Zhang's friends, his parents' choice not to have another child was a form of protection. "We had family planning at that time, and we had to get that certificate." Li Chunhua did not name the certificate. "Why do I have this label for my son?" She said, "I put this label on him for the rest of his life. Some people say that what do you do that certificate, there is a subsidy, the society has special care for him, we do not need this. What he wants depends on his own efforts. In our minds, he is a normal person." Zhang Jiaxin went to the best primary school and middle school in the county, and like many children, he went away to college. Sunshine and the sea optimistic, sunshine, this is a lot of friends mentioned when Zhang Jiaxin thought of the word. But Mr Zhang defines himself as a pessimist hiding behind an optimistic facade. This state is not innate, but he actively adapt to form. "I'm not a happy person all the time," he says, "but I learn to reduce the perception of happiness." A word of care from others, a hug, a piece of clothing handed to me in cold weather, "I would like to remember for a long time." Not perfect, but complete. Long ago, Zhang Jiaxin identified this sentence as his important philosophy. This statement can be interpreted in many ways, "Everyone has some imperfect and flawed parts, but the person's personality is complete," or "There are good and bad things that make a thing complete in itself." The city of Xiamen may have had a hand in shaping his character. When he is unhappy, he goes to relax. The sea everywhere in Xiamen gave him a sense of openness. When he first entered the workplace, he wanted to find a job related to his university major, but was only offered a sales position with a base salary of 1,500 yuan. He made steady progress towards his goal. In the third year, he finally had an opportunity: the new media operation of B&B. He liked to study and made great achievements quickly. He was promoted to head of the department. He took the initiative to take on a lot of tasks outside his own, to help the company to open the e-commerce plate. He engineered a tripling of the cafe's revenue. Outside of work, he shared his life online and further became a shop scout blogger. Every weekend he had a very rich time, eating and drinking here and there, taking pictures and Posting them online. After his father died in 2019, he began to understand what his elders meant when they asked him to "take responsibility" -- to take care of those around him. He saw his mother leave all the lights on all night, unable to sleep, and voluntarily made a decision for her: leave the environment. He accompanied his mother to find an apartment, rent, three months later, decorated, moved in. In those days, he went home frequently to be with his mother. Having been a huge burden to him as a teenager, he feels less burdened as an adult. The inner wound healed and the boy became a man. All this, he later concluded, seemed to be setting the stage for his encounter with talk shows. But he also knows, in his heart, that his outward image of sunshine is actually a kind of self-repression. He travels every year, but does not invite any companions because he is afraid to expose his shortcomings by spending too much time with acquaintances. For the same reason, he craves companionship but is resistant to intimacy in a relationship. He avoids talking about the body. And talk shows seem to be an antidote to that.