one Friday night, after a lengthy debate about something i couldn’t have cared less about in our philosophy of religion class, i made my way from our chateau through the woods to the Eurail. i wanted to go to Dresden, Germany. i sat staring at maps at the train station until i gave up, flipped a coin, landed on going through Frankfurt instead of Prague. i wasn’t too concerned: i’d gotten used to figuring things out along the way and it felt “right.” the weekend past i had spent in Paris, which felt “off” before i began, i lost a pair of underwear there, so i decided to go with my gut on this one. Frankfurt it was.

i figured i’d make it there before sunrise, though that didn’t bother me. there was always something to do, a place that called to me, a reason to show up without planning anything. so i found a seat in a cabin and looked out into the night as the world rapidly slipped me by. i was diving into some Vonnegut book or other when an elderly man stepped into the cabin and smiled.

weird how some smiles automatically light up the room- his was like that. he smiled with every part of his being. though it became quickly apparent that his not-so-great German and my translation book weren’t exactly aligned. we didn’t care- he was joyously alive, full of life actually- he was one of those rare souls that you meet and instantly feel a connection to, he lit up the darkness encroaching from outside. so i laughed my way through figuring out if he was going to Frankfurt to have eye surgery or to see his daughter, the apple of his eye. i still don’t know, tho he was happy either way~ i felt blessed to be granted that sweet simple solace that only a stranger who knows you can provide.

we both got off in Frankfurt, shared a biscuit, him giving me one of the biggest hugs ive ever gotten in my life. we thanked each other profusely for such a divine ride.

somewhere along the line, i ended up in Munich. i couldn’t tell you how that happened other than i couldn’t stop thinking of horses and decided it was too soon for Dresden- in my dreams when im there im not crying. so I ended up in Munich. it’s been 32 years and i still feel the warmth, the joy, the absolute love from that man i never got a name for. i can retrace the outline of the cabin we shared, feel the warmth of his being, and though he was maybe 70ish then, which probably means he’s no longer around, he is always~ he lives in me… and that is everything.

we find what we seek. i seek apples.