J-
Bittersweet memories are the strongest.
Meeting with you was a release of so many years of frustration. For so long, I felt like a lone daisy in a field of grass at these conferences. To finally meet another queer in crypto... and to find out that you had some modicum of conscientiousness? To melt into one another so effortlessly… absolutely, unforgettable.
Yet as pleasantly surprised as I was by our compatibility, the harsh reminder of our union's transitory nature bit me deeply. This missive is an explanation for why I was so quiet the morning after.
...
I am wrapped in a protective cloak of irony; many statements are both truth and sarcasm at once.
One such example:
for me, first base is massage,
second is sex,
third is kissing,
and fourth is making plans for the future.
Despite this, it was shocking to find a similar hierarchy mirrored back at me.
As we lay in bed, still in the post-orgasmic afterglow, I contemplated whether to ask you for snugs. After all, many people have difficulty falling asleep while spooning. Your response both shocked me and made a lot of sense.
Boundaries are, after all, our only chance to keep things sacred. Without making some things forbidden or mundane, how can we elevate others towards the heavens?
...
While I was in the would-be cult leader Carol's thrall, my heart was torn in two directions. đź’”
In one way, it reached towards loving all: an impossible task, even if a noble goal.
In the other, my possessive boyfriend forbade me from loving any others as I loved him.
I'm still gluing back the pieces.
...
On this most recent Valentine's day, I had a surprisingly pleasant first date. I so respected him, and so looked forward to seeing him again, that I lingered on first base rather than trying to steal second. My reward? ... being ghosted. đź‘»
And yet, fate would not have it: he was on the same flight as me to Denver!
And that, I suppose, mirrors what I am worried about now: to be nothing other than a source of momentary pleasure, rather than be recognized as a fountain of eternal love.
It may be impossible to love all… but being near you makes it seem worth trying,, if not easy.
I hope that you might find me worthy of being a lasting member of your ever evolving circle of friends.
Yours Truly,
Tristan