The key to effective communication is understanding how communication models actually work. How are you connecting with those around you? Are you practicing good communication or just projecting an unimportant message? Is your message really being received? What communication style are you using to convey your message?
Step 1: Build identification and rapport
Establish a connection with your audience by finding common ground and asking questions to learn more about them.
Use small talk and personal anecdotes to make a connection with your audience and make them more receptive to your message.
Step 2: Logic & reason
Present the facts and reasoning behind your message to justify an emotional decision.
Use storytelling and natural integration of information to provide logical justification for your message while maintaining engagement with your audience.
Step 3: Attack & confess
Anticipate and address possible objections to your message.
Highlight the consequences of not following through with your suggestion and use personal anecdotes to make yourself relatable.
Step 4: Solution
Outline the solution to the challenges discussed in the previous step.
Highlight the positive outcomes and benefits of following through with your suggestion.
Step 5: Ask for the action (final inches)
The text explains how understanding the "metaprograms" of the person you are communicating with can help to effectively solve communication problems. Metaprograms are the basic strategies that people use to process information, such as whether they focus on similarities or differences, or whether they have an internal or external frame of reference. The text states that when you fail to get your message across to someone, you don't need to change the content of the message, you just need to be able to adjust the form of the message to fit the other person's metaprograms. The text also gives an example of how the author used this understanding of metaprograms to solve a communication problem with a business partner.
Fun story Listen deeply – then adjust your approach
Five Steps for Getting Anything You Want - A Guide to Manifesting Your Dreams"
Step #1: Ask Specifically - The first step in getting anything you want is to be clear and specific about what you want. This means defining exactly what you need, why you need it, and when you need it. It also means being able to show the person you're asking what you'll do with what you're asking for.
Step #2: Ask Someone Who Can Help You - The next step is to find someone with the resources you need and ask them for help. This doesn't mean relying on them to do the work for you, but by getting another perspective and examining someone else's success, you might succeed, too.
Step #3: Prime Yourself for Success - Even if you're feeling a lack of self-confidence, you can prime yourself for success by bringing your thoughts, feelings, and physical body into harmony. By building a practice of mindfulness, you can use physical and mental exercises to center yourself, and set yourself on the path to understanding how to manifest anything you want.
Step #4: Leverage Your Resources - If you're feeling overwhelmed trying to reach a goal, it could be that you're not using your resources to their full potential. Your existing network, career training, and life experiences are valuable sources of information and support, so use them wisely. This is the power behind leveraging, when you're resourceful, you can accomplish far more than you think is possible.
Step #5: Ask Until You Get What You Want - Learning how to manifest anything you want requires persistence and determination. This final step is all about taking action and continuing to ask until you get what you want. Whether you're looking for a better job, a better relationship, or more time with your family, keep asking until you get the outcome you desire.
The three elements of persuasion
In our quest to avoid pain and feel pleasure, we are constantly answering the question, “What’s in it for me?” Will this action help me avoid pain? Will it bring me enjoyment or fulfillment? Why do I need to do it right now? The answers to these questions fall into three categories – and they’re the key to how to convince someone to do something.
DRAB: Dominant reasons to avoid buying
Humans may want to avoid pain and maximize pleasure, but we also don’t like being told what to do. It’s so common, it has a name: psychological reactance. When we sense “threats to freedom” – like the freedom to choose what to do with our money, our time and our lives – we often do the opposite. It’s part of the reason people always seem to be able to come up with reasons to avoid buying your product or otherwise doing what you want them to do. DRAB can also include logical reasons, such as not having enough time or money. You can overcome all of these reasons using the next two elements of persuasion.
ERBN: Emotional Reasons to Buy Now
Emotional reasoning is pathos, from the Greek word for feeling or experience. Emotional pull is the most essential part of how to persuade someone to do something. With a friend or partner, you might explain how meaningful a certain action would be to you. In advertising and sales, this includes techniques like using cute animals, inspirational music and great storytelling, like beating overwhelming odds or finding true love. ERBN leaves prospects with a “want” – they want to feel the way you’re describing.
LRBN: Logical reasons to buy now
Have you employed all your best ERBN, but you still haven’t uncovered how to convince someone to do something? It’s time for LRBN. Logical reasoning is known as logos, from the word for reason or plan. It appeals to prospects’ “needs” by explaining directly and logically how they will benefit from your product, plan or idea. It’s often a great antidote to DRAB, because this reasoning speaks directly to real concerns. Will your product or idea save the person money or time? Will it help them lead a healthy lifestyle? Appealing to logic can be an influential component of persuasion.
To learn how to convince someone to do something, you must tailor your argument to speak to their DRAB, ERBN and LRBN. In his program Mastering Influence, Tony dives into eight questions that every prospect – or friend, relative or coworker – has on their mind as you’re persuading them.
What is this?
What’s in it for me?
Can you prove it?
Will this really give me what I want and need?
If I do this, will it be worth it?
Can I justify it?
What will other people say?
Do I really need it now?
Answer these questions for your prospect using ERBN and LRBN, and you’ll ease their DRAB and make the sale. That’s how to convince someone to do something in an ethical, empowering way.
This part only describes the communicative parts of negotiations.
Watch for facial expression: One of the best negotiation tactics is to observe the other party's facial expressions, as they can indicate whether their words are genuine or not. If their facial expressions don't match their words, then it is likely that their words are not genuine.
Assess body angle: Another important negotiation tactic is to assess the other party's body angle. This can indicate their level of interest and engagement in the conversation, as well as their intentions or desires. For example, if their body is angled towards the door, it may indicate that they want to hurry up and finish the conversation and leave.
Observe foot angle: Observing the other party's foot placement is another effective negotiation tactic. If their foot is pointed towards you, it usually indicates that they are engaged in the conversation. If their foot is pointed towards the door, it may indicate that they want to quickly make an exit.
Notice arm position: Noticing the other party's arm position can also provide insights into their intentions or feelings. If their arms are crossed, it may indicate that they are defensive or closed off, while open arms can indicate openness or willingness to negotiate.
Pay attention to hand gestures: Hand gestures can provide clues about the other party's level of confidence or uncertainty. For example, if they are fidgeting or fumbling with their hands, it may indicate nervousness or lack of confidence.
Notice the other party's vocal cues: The tone of someone's voice, the speed at which they speak, and the volume at which they speak can all provide insight into their intentions or feelings. For example, a low, slow voice can indicate a lack of confidence, while a high, fast voice can indicate excitement or enthusiasm.
Pay attention to proximity: The distance between you and the other party can also provide clues about their intentions or feelings. For example, if they are standing close to you, it may indicate that they are comfortable and confident, while standing far away can indicate discomfort or uncertainty.
Notice the other party's breathing: Paying attention to the other party's breathing can provide insight into their level of stress or calmness. For example, if they are breathing deeply and steadily, it may indicate that they are calm and in control, while shallow or rapid breathing can indicate stress or nervousness.
Notice the other party's blink rate: The rate at which someone blinks can also provide insight into their intentions or feelings. For example, if they are blinking rapidly, it may indicate that they are nervous or lying.
Do your research and prepare thoroughly Before entering into a negotiation, it's important to do your homework and gather as much information as possible about the other party, the issue at hand, and potential outcomes. This will give you a stronger foundation for negotiating and allow you to be more confident and decisive in your approach.
Set clear goals and priorities Before entering into a negotiation, take some time to identify your own goals and priorities. This will help you stay focused and make better decisions during the negotiation process.
Use objective criteria to support your position When negotiating, it's helpful to use objective criteria to support your position, rather than simply relying on your own subjective preferences or opinions. This can include things like market data, industry standards, or past precedent.
Build rapport and establish trust Establishing trust and building rapport with the other party can be crucial for a successful negotiation. This may involve finding common ground, showing empathy and understanding, and being open and honest in your communication.
Stay flexible and open to compromise Negotiations often involve give and take, and it's important to be open to compromise and consider different options. This may involve being willing to split the difference, trading one thing for another, or finding a mutually beneficial solution.
Use effective communication and active listening skills Effective communication and active listening skills are essential for successful negotiation. This involves being clear and concise in your messaging, and also paying attention to and acknowledging the other party's perspective and needs.
Use positive body language and nonverbal cues Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, facial expressions, and posture can be important indicators of how the other party is feeling and can help to build rapport and trust.
Use power and leverage wisely Power and leverage can be important factors in a negotiation, but it's important to use them wisely and ethically. This may involve finding ways to build consensus or persuade the other party rather than resorting to threats or coercion.
Be aware of and manage your emotions Emotions can be a powerful force in negotiations, and it's important to be aware of and manage your own emotions as well as those of the other party. This may involve staying calm and composed, even in difficult or stressful situations.
Observe the other party's use of physical space. Pay attention to how much space they are taking up in the negotiation as it can indicate their level of power and control in the situation. If they are taking up a lot of space, it could mean they want to be in control of the room.
Listen more than you talk. Instead of focusing on what you want to say, try to listen and understand the other party's perspective. This will help you discover the nuances of what they are hoping to gain, and prevent you from creating a dynamic of dominance.
Frame the negotiation to create mutual appeal. Instead of framing the negotiation as an argument, try to frame it by what both parties are looking to gain. This sets the stage for a smoother dialogue and gives you the upper hand.
Know when to fold. Even the best negotiation tactics can fall flat when one or both parties are unwilling to compromise. Be willing to walk away if the other party isn't willing to budge or if their offer doesn't meet your needs.
Know when to walk away
There are three likely reasons that no one listens to you – and four things you can start doing today to work on how to get people to listen to you.
Limiting beliefs are negative beliefs we hold about ourselves that prevent us from achieving our dreams. When it comes to thoughts like, “Nobody listens to me,” you may believe that your communication skills aren’t good enough, so you don’t make the effort to get others to listen to you. A belief that you don’t actually deserve to be listened to can cause you to come off as unsure or indecisive – two traits that won’t inspire others to follow you.
“No one listens to me” is a frequent thought for introverts, who may believe they are just not loud enough to be heard. The truth is that you don’t have to be the loudest one in the room. You just need to work on being assertive – and that starts with replacing your limiting beliefs with empowering ones.
2. You’re not speaking with passion
Have you ever heard someone explain a complicated, boring topic and make it sound fascinating? They were likely very passionate – and people respond to passion, no matter the subject. You can speak with all the confidence in the world, but if you don’t have passion you will not keep your audience interested.
If you find yourself asking, “Why does no one listen to me?,” you must connect what you’re talking about to your purpose. When you deeply believe in what you’re saying and are able to see how it contributes to your ultimate goals and dreams in life, you’ll be much more convincing.
3. You’re not adding value
Do you find yourself talking just to talk? Do you interrupt others or repeat what they say? Communication is about more than confidence – it’s about adding value. If you’re not contributing to a discussion meaningfully, you will be ignored.
Great leaders know that to get people to listen to you, you must put them first. They’re able to adapt their talking points to the needs of the other person and adjust their communication style to get their point across. Combined with passion, this ability to add value is what allows them to influence people. How to get people to listen to you
No matter the reason you’re thinking, “Nobody listens to me,” there are strategies you can use to fix the problem and build your communication skills.
1. Know when to talk
Leaders like Elon Musk never think, “No one listens to me.” They have a habit of pausing when they are asked tough questions. They know when to talk and when to take a moment and think. In fact, the people who talk the most are often listened to the least because they are easier to tune out. When you pause and then provide a thoughtful answer, you’ll come across as smarter and more confident.
2. Send the right signals
Your body language also helps you look more confident and attentive. Sit up straight and throw your shoulders back. Make eye contact, mirror the movements of your audience and provide nonverbal feedback like nodding. Practice deep listening to make others feel heard before you start talking. When you do speak, approach the problem or topic with positivity, passion and authority.
3. Make it about them
The best leaders are able to uncover what inspires others and then use that to communicate their own ideas. When you think, “No one listens to me,” you’re making it about yourself. But when you listen deeply and ask the right questions, you’re making it about the other person. That’s how you’ll encourage them to open up to you. Then you can look for common ground and start building a connection.
4. Provide solutions
If you’re thinking, “Nobody listens to me,” that may not be the problem at all. People may be listening – they’re just not sure what you want from them. Tony says, “Identify your problems, but give your power and energy to solutions.” Don’t complain without thinking about what comes next. Get to the point. Then be clear about next steps – and have a solution ready to go.
The 48 Laws of Power is a bestselling book written by Robert Greene in 1998. The book is a collection of laws that are intended to help individuals gain and maintain power in their personal and professional lives. While the book has gained widespread popularity and has been praised for its insights, it has also faced criticisms for its controversial and sometimes manipulative advice.
One of the main criticisms of the book is that it promotes unethical behavior. Many of the laws outlined in the book involve manipulating, deceiving, and exploiting others in order to gain power. This has led some critics to accuse the book of promoting a Machiavellian philosophy, which prioritizes the acquisition of power over ethical considerations.
Another criticism of the book is that it is overly focused on the acquisition of power and does not provide enough guidance on how to use that power responsibly. Some have argued that the book is primarily focused on gaining power at any cost, rather than on how to use that power ethically and for the greater good.
Some also criticize that the book is out of date as it was written more than two decades ago and the world has changed a lot, the laws are more on the traditional aspect and not really applicable to the modern world.
Additionally, some people have criticized the book for being overly simplistic and not providing enough nuance or context for the laws outlined. Some argue that the book's advice is too general and does not take into account the specific circumstances and personalities of the people it is intended for.
In general, The 48 Laws of Power has been both praised and criticized for its advice and insights on how to gain and maintain power. While it has been a popular and bestselling book, many have raised concerns about the ethical implications of its advice and the need for more nuanced and context-specific guidance.
It does however hold some powerful insights, perhaps not for yourself but on how some power-hungry person might think.
Never outshine the master
Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite - inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.
Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies
Be wary of friends - they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire one whose services are exactly what you need, and reward them well.
Conceal your intentions
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelop them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.
Always say less than necessary
When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less.
So much depends on reputation - guard it with your life
Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once it slips, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. In the end, you will be defined by the way you handled yourself when you were wronged.
Court attention at all costs
Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all costs. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious than the bland and timid masses.Never outshine the master
Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit.
Make use of the talents and resources of others to further your own goals. Allow others to take on the burden of responsibility and work, while you take the credit for their efforts. This not only allows you to accomplish more, but also makes others feel valuable and appreciated.
Win through your actions, never through argument.
Arguments and confrontations can be draining and ultimately lead to a loss of power. Instead, use your actions to demonstrate your superiority and skill. Let your successes speak for themselves and avoid getting caught up in petty conflicts.
Infection: avoid stepping in a great man's shoes.
When taking over a powerful position, it is important to establish your own identity and make changes to avoid being compared unfavorably to your predecessor. This will help to avoid any negative associations and allow you to establish your own power.
Learn to keep people dependent on you.
Creating dependency in others is a subtle form of power as it ensures their loyalty and willingness to assist you. By providing valuable resources or knowledge, people will come to rely on you and work to maintain the relationship.
Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim.
By appearing honest and generous, others will let their guard down and become more vulnerable to manipulation. Use this to your advantage by offering them something they want or need in exchange for something you want.
When asking for help, appeal to people's self-interest.
When seeking assistance from others, it is important to make it clear how helping you will benefit them. This appeals to their self-interest and makes them more willing to lend a hand.
By infiltrating the inner circle of your enemy, you gain valuable information and insight that can be used against them. But be careful, as this strategy also puts you at risk of being discovered.
Crush your enemy totally. When faced with an enemy, it is important to completely defeat them, leaving no chance for retaliation or resurgence. This not only eliminates the threat, but also sends a message to others who may challenge you.
Use absence to increase respect and honor. By being scarce and difficult to reach, you become more valuable and sought-after. People will begin to miss you and your presence will be more appreciated.
Keep others in suspended terror: cultivate an air of unpredictability. By keeping others on edge and unsure of your next move, you maintain the upper hand and control the situation. They will be less likely to challenge or oppose you, as they never know what to expect.
Do not build fortresses to protect yourself- isolation is dangerous. Isolating yourself from others may seem like a way to protect yourself, but it actually makes you more vulnerable. Building strong relationships and alliances is a much more effective defense.
Know who you're dealing with - do not offend the wrong person. Before taking any action, it is important to understand the power dynamics and potential consequences of offending someone.
Do not commit to anyone. Maintain your independence and freedom of action by not committing to any one person or group.
Play a sucker to catch a sucker - seem dumber than your mark. By playing dumb and appearing less skilled than your target, you can lure them into a false sense of security and gain the upper hand.
Play on people's need to believe to create a cult-like following
Never break your word
Concentrate your forces
Play the perfect courtier
Re-create yourself
Keep your hands clean
Play on people's weakness
Law 28: Enter action with boldness Act with audacity and become a master of timing. Strike quickly, strike hard, and take control of the situation. Never hesitate or doubt yourself, and never give your opponents the chance to catch their breath.
Law 29: Plan all the way to the end Think ahead and plan for every possible outcome. Anticipate the moves of your opponents and be prepared for any eventuality. Always have a fallback plan and be ready to adapt to changing circumstances.
Law 30: Make your accomplishments seem effortless Don't brag about your accomplishments or boast about your successes. Instead, make them seem effortless and make others think that they could have done the same thing if they had your natural talents and abilities.
Law 31: Control the options: get others to play with the cards you deal Control the options available to your opponents and force them to play with the cards you deal. Limit their choices and guide them towards the outcome that you desire.
Law 32: Play to people's fantasies People want to believe that something is possible, even if it's not. Use this to your advantage and play to people's fantasies and desires. Make them believe that they can achieve their dreams and they will follow you blindly.
Law 33: Discover each man's thumbscrew Find out what motivates each person and use it to your advantage. Discover their weaknesses and fears and use them to manipulate and control them.
Law 34: Be royal in your own fashion: act like a king to be treated like one Be regal and commanding in your own way, and people will treat you like royalty. Don't imitate others or try to be like them, be true to yourself and let your unique qualities shine.
Law 35: Master the Art of Timing
Timing is everything in life, and it is no different when it comes to gaining power. Knowing when to act and when to wait can be the difference between success and failure. Be patient and wait for the right moment to strike, and you will be more likely to achieve your goals.
Disdain things you cannot have: ignoring them is the best revenge
Create compelling spectacles
Think as you like but behave like others
Stir up waters to catch fish
Avoid stepping into a great man's shoes - it is too big for you to fill and you will have to live up to his reputation, which can be difficult.
Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter - target the leader of a group, organization or movement and the rest will fall apart.
Work on the hearts and minds of others - it is easier to persuade people to do what you want if they like and respect you.
Disdain things you cannot have: ignoring them is the best revenge - do not waste energy on things or people you cannot have, instead focus on what you can attain.
Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once - change should be gradual so as not to disrupt the status quo too much and cause resistance.
Never appear too perfect - perfection is intimidating and people will not relate to it. Showing flaws makes you more relatable and approachable.
Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop - know when to stop pushing for more power and success, as going too far can lead to downfall.
Assume formlessness - be adaptable and change your approach and tactics as needed to fit the situation. Do not become too predictable or set in your ways.
In today's fast-paced business world, it's essential to understand your buyers and their needs in order to stand out and get noticed. One of the key ways to do this is by being active online and in social media. It's important to remember that buyers don't care about your products and services, but rather how your organization can solve their problems and make their lives better. Instead of focusing on hyping your products and services, create something interesting that people will want to talk about online.
Another important aspect of reaching buyers is to educate them rather than just trying to sell to them. Share valuable content that they will enjoy consuming, such as videos, e-books, and blog posts. Interact and participate in conversations on social media and review sites to showcase your expertise and build trust with potential buyers.
In today's real-time 24x7 world, it's crucial to engage with the market on their time, not yours. This means being ready to act on opportunities as they arise and monitoring real-time news feeds and social channels.
Finally, it's important to manage your fear of new ways to communicate. Fear can prevent us from reaching our true potential, but by facing it head-on and trying new things, we can break out of our comfort zones and truly stand out in the marketplace. To truly succeed, it's essential to understand your buyers, educate them, and be ready to act in real-time.