Meta and methadone: the metajobs of the future in the metaverse
September 6th, 2022

There has been talked of Meta and metaverse everywhere for weeks. There are those who expect to live in a video game and those who imagine a future of lobotomized zombies wearing viewers. The only world we at TheMillennial see is a new world full of job opportunities for millennials and Gen Z. What jobs?

We are not talking about noble jobs, NFT miners, 3D woodcutters, or dark web charcoal burners. No, we are talking about ordinary people’s jobs; what will happen to McDonald’s employees or JustEat riders? We are talking about millennials who did not go to university (or who did a Mickey Mouse degree course).

The digital drug dealer

The hologramatic evolution of your pusher on Telegram. We all know that Zuckerberg is a Puritan who censors anything that might upset your mother. It follows that any reference to drugs and sex will be swept away from the metaverse. We know that where there is prohibitionism there is a crime.

This Christian Democrat paradise will be teeming with incognito avatars ready to give us our dose of NFT methadone without the great mother noticing. #digipusher

The three-dimensional peddler

Perhaps not everyone has understood that there will be more metaverses, in the same way, that today there are more universes, the Facebook universe, the YouTube universe, and the Twitter universe.

In the future, however, taking digital objects from one place to another will be easier.

If you buy a cool lightsaber on Final Fantasy, you could then transport it to the Facebook universe, to cut off the heads of boomers for example.

All great, but there will be some things that you will forget in old accounts or that will have compatibility problems, and there you are, by going to your trusted peddler you will be able to find everything (not) necessary at a good price.

The metasweeper

“You can’t create a metaverse without someone taking their dog out to do their business” Marketing Zuckerberg

Well, we will not get rid of the uncivilized who will continue to leave a lot of paper, cookies, and garbage around the metaverse, because “oh, it doesn’t pollute that much.”

It actually does pollute, it pollutes the servers, it dirties the metaverse, if you are a neat freak. You will therefore need someone who will go around collecting all the useless NFT memes left around #notsologicaloperator

The non-meta rider

A revised version, but not too much, of nowadays’ rider.

Yes, because since our bodies will always be connected, they will need to feed themselves. In the future, we will probably all be connected to tubes that inject us with precooked foods (thanks4saltiinpadella for preparing us for this).

However, it will take years to build this infrastructure, a culinary-sewer network; in the meantime, we could call some riders to come and change the drip bag to which we will be attached.

Good job!

Author: SolarFunk

Cover: Maddalena Stanca

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