The Master said, “Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with true virtue.”
— Chapter 3, Book 1, The Analects of Confucius
It is human nature to like someone praising us and dislike someone criticizing us. However, we should differentiate praise from flattery, and distinguish constructive criticism from attack.
There is treacherous flattery. Some people purposefully flatter us to gain favor or interest. If you are intoxicated by such “fine words”, you are in danger of being deceived or even destructed.
There is blind flattery. Some people do not think independently but blindly praise whatever their superior says. If you are complacent with such “find words”, your personal growth can be in danger.
Beware of fine words and insinuating appearances. They are usually signs of hypocrisy.
Zhu Xi, a later Confucian scholar in the South Song dynasty (around 1,200 AD), stated “When Masters speak, they are neither hurried nor calculating.” They are not in a hurry to make their points, they are not calculating for personal gain, and they are patient with the outcome. They think deeply and express their views candidly. If you listen, they are happy. If you don’t, they are patient. This resonates with another saying by Confucius:
Is he not a man of complete virtue, who feels no discomposure though men may take no note of him?
Personally, I think a better way to observe people is to focus on what they do, rather than what they say. I especially like this quote from Andrew Carnegie.
As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.
— Andrew Carnegie
You can view a complete list of my articles here:
