The Master said, “Is it not pleasant to learn with a constant perseverance and application?”
“Is it not pleasant to have friends coming from distant quarters?”
“Is he not a man of complete virtue, who feels no discomposure though men may take no note of him?”
— Chapter 1, Book 1, The Analects of Confucius
Although the teaching seems obvious, you will find wisdom beneficial to your life, if you reflect more on it.
We frequently complain because others don’t know or understand us. Here are two typical scenarios and their causes.
Scenario 1: This is so easy or obvious. I know it clearly. How come you don’t know?
We are frustrated because something seeming so obvious to us is not comprehended by others. In my daily work, I frequently have this problem. I sometimes tell junior staff “How come you don’t know this? This is so obvious.” Or sometimes I complain about my clients, “I don’t know how to make them understand. This is so obvious, but they just don’t get it”.
Here, the problem is that I assume other people “should” know because I know. However, each individual is different. The things that are obvious to them may not evident to me either. Make no assumptions about other people, so I won’t have unrealistic expectations.
Scenario 2: I have all the talents and skills. I have done excellent work. How come nobody notices my effort? Why haven’t I got followers?
Another common frustration is that I think I am good at something, or I have the talents/skills for a particular job. How come I have not been selected or hired or noticed by others?
The issue is made more prominent in today’s social media world. We are so fond of getting likes, claps, or followers. These are almost like success itself. So we ignore what are our unique values, and go with the trend. Taking writers in Medium, for example, you almost surely fail to enjoy the process of writing, if you are to check the Stats page three times a day.
Here, the problem is that I am not content with myself and what I am doing. I run to the outer world for recognition. If I don’t get it or don’t get enough, I complain and I lose my inner peace and enjoyment.
The Takeaway Message
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Avoid mere complaints as if you are avoiding poison. It’s OK to feel frustrated from time to time. We are living in the real world, not paradise. However, it is poisonous to our happiness, if we tend to complain about external circumstances or other people just for the sake of complaining.
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Don’t assume others will know or understand the same thing because I know. Each individual is different. We should be aware of diversity and differences and don’t set unrealistic expectations of others.
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Be content with yourself. Pleasure comes from within. If you constantly look for external approval or recognition, you lose control over your own happiness and inner peace.
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