I haven't been shopping for a long time. I rushed to the mall at the weekend with great interest and planned to count all the new models this summer.
This year's clothes are so expensive. I feel very excited. A dress costs 5000 yuan. Is this going to rob money?
The mother and daughter behind me probably felt the same way as me. The little daughter picked up a white skirt and showed it to her mother: "Mom, this looks good!" When my mother quickly whispered, "put it down, it's too expensive."
The mother and daughter turned to leave. The sharp eyed salesperson found a small handprint on the white skirt. It was probably because the child's hands were sweating in the hot weather. The salesman stopped them and said, "look, you've soiled your clothes."
I've encountered this kind of thing before, and some accommodation will pass. It's hard to say. Just give me a dry cleaning fee.
But the mother's reaction was unexpected. She began to beat the child without a head. While fighting, he also scolded: "let you not touch, you touch! Is that what you can touch? You deserve it! You don't look at your virtue, so you can't afford to sell you..."
The guests in the shop, including the salesperson, were dumbfounded. "What are you doing? Forget it, you go, go, really, it doesn't matter." The little salesman is crying.
I left the mall until I got home. I still thought about the mother and daughter.
I know that in this case, some people beat their children purely out of interest and worry about asking for compensation, so they beat their children first, and others will be embarrassed to chase and beat them again.
But I don't think she is. Although she doesn't look well-off and wears that cheap fashionable style, the shame on her face when she hit her child and the embarrassment that she is about to shed tears are obviously not just for money, but for the shame of her child's behavior.
When a person comes to a place that doesn't belong to her, she is timid, and then she dirties such "expensive" things. Something in her heart suddenly breaks.
All the frustrations and disappointments in life came to mind at this moment. The child is not sensible. She can simply admit a mistake, but she needs to make use of the topic. In fact, every word she scolds the child is said to her own ears. It is all her voice: she doesn't deserve it, she can't afford it, and she doesn't know the depth. Children are the continuation of her life, but at some times, such as this occasion, it is also the reason why she hates herself.
I hate a woman who splashes in public, but she is distressing.
She must be a very, very unhappy and happy woman. She will beat herself with those words and warn herself that she has a desperate self abandonment.
It is conceivable that most of her life is also so sensitive, fragile and suspicious. She will always say to men, "you don't love you at all!" When blaming children, they will say, "you dragged me down." Or "if it weren't for you, I would have divorced."
She is a typical sample of a woman's negative energy reflex source.
My grandmother values boys over girls. All six sons can go to school, but only one daughter is impatient to let you study. She always threatens you to drop out of school and go home to get married. My mother can only study hard, hoping to use her grades to keep her reading rights, and also do all kinds of housework to please grandma. Grandma was not happy about it. When she saw my mother studying under the light at night, she would scold: "what are you looking at? Light the light to boil oil. When you die, bury you in a book!"
Even after decades, my mother still remembers this sentence clearly, and it's very lethal. It's tearful.
My mother often told me that grandma was beautiful and liked to dress up, wear cheongsam and high-heeled shoes, and her waist was not full.
But she also has an equally patriarchal parent, who doesn't give her a chance to go to school, making her an illiterate. Later, she married and had children. Years took away her beauty and disappeared like all women. She could no longer see what she looked like in those years.
She has tried to change her life, but now she has no chance to change her life. She didn't get what she didn't get, and she didn't want her daughter to get it. She didn't know this little darkness in her heart. She just insisted on denying that it was useless for women to study. She had no money at home and couldn't give a starting point.
She cursed like that, which broke her daughter's heart, but what she really cursed was her own destiny as a woman.
Many people who look terrible in this world actually have their own sad things. In her semi autobiographical novel, Agatha Christie talks about the heroine Celia - herself in the mapping - who has become "so unhappy that she has no mercy left for others" after experiencing great ups and downs in her life
I have a friend who lacks a sense of security. Once her husband doesn't return phone messages, he always sits still and thinks of the worst possible. Once, she called her husband during working hours and was repeatedly pressed. She was angry and continued to call until her husband answered the phone. She immediately yelled at her. As a result, her husband was holding a meeting there, and he was sitting on the rostrum. The microphone was not turned off. All her words passed through, causing bursts of laughter.
The husband is very angry and the consequences are serious.
Why did this happen? She has no ability to know what happened to her husband, which gives her bad imagination unlimited space to run. In addition, her inner self is a person who is ignored and despised by her husband if she can't get a reply from her husband. She is also an unlovable and easily discarded self. She lives in such self-awareness, and it is inevitable to do such a thing.
One more thing.
On my wechat official account, there are occasional individual readers who cancel their subscription or complain about me because I don't reply in time, feeling that they are not valued. They don't understand. I can't be online all the time. In addition to regular push every day, I can only take about an hour to reply intensively. They don't know that there is nothing wrong with them. I don't blame them, but it reveals that even in the face of this minimal one-to-one interpersonal relationship, they would rather see the worst possibility - say hello to an author on wechat, and this person doesn't reply in time. It must be that they are unwilling to take care of themselves, too cold, impolite and uneducated, For such a humiliation, we must immediately fight back and punish it.
They don't want to continue to verify whether the other party is the kind of person they think they are. They don't even want to wait for an answer, black or complain again - generally speaking, I will never reply for more than one day, and they can't wait for that day.
Heartless mothers, unhappy wives and impatient readers all come from people who don't believe in themselves. They exaggerate the humiliation of the outside world and stubbornly resist the pressure. They hurt others and themselves only because they believe that they deserve it.
It doesn't matter what others think of themselves, but what they are.
Augustine, an ancient Christian writer, said, "don't linger in the outside world. The truth is in the inner world. You have to go back to the inner world." To return to the heart is not only to return to the embrace of truth, but also to return to the wounded self.
There are many enemies in this world. The enemies outside are close to the city, and the trumpets are even battling. They are very well guarded. The enemies inside are the most terrible. They lurk in the deepest place, like Trojan horses. They have occupied the city of your life silently. They may sell themselves to fate and unhappiness from time to time.
Your greatest enemy is yourself. If you don't believe it, try to remember what you said when you can't control your emotions next time. What's exposed is often the most real yourself.