We always say that the key to getting along with people is to "integrate the three views".
However, when we made many friends and "lost" many people in the years, we found that:
The three views are consistent and can come together.
But in the process of getting along, only by doing the "three commandments", can you really establish your personality charm and manage the feelings between you and the people around you.
one
Stop talking too much
Avoid talking too much, that is, "timely silence".
Compared with gushing and eloquent talk, people who learn to be moderately silent have more personality charm.
Once I went to an activity with a friend and met a stranger.
During the break, everyone chatted.
After knowing our industry, the other party began to talk, mixed with various prejudices.
When I wanted to open my mouth to refute one or two and expose his arrogance, he who did not speak from beginning to end made his eyes stop me.
After the event, I asked him privately why he didn't argue.
He smiled: "if you disagree, keep your opinion in silence. If the other party is wrong, you might as well leave a step. Chat, don't be too serious."
On reflection, we often do such things:
Once misunderstood, he can't wait to argue with it; Once you encounter prejudice, you roll up your sleeves and plan to compete.
Get along with others, find other people's mistakes, habitually want to correct and expose them, and there is no sand in your eyes
But in the end, you will find that those who are used to listening and don't like talking will gain more and more trust from others;
Those who dig hollow thoughts to correct others and help others "correct their mistakes" make people stay away.
Cai Kangyong said in his way of speaking:
"Leave meaningless victory to the other party, and those who know how to admit defeat will speak."
Therefore, to get along with people and not to compete in words is the real smart person.
This is a kind of respect and self-cultivation.
two
Abstain from nonsense
Abstain from nonsense, that is, "don't tell private things".
If you know that silence is high EQ, but don't talk nonsense, it reflects a person's internal quality.
I have a best friend who recently had a very unpleasant quarrel with her colleagues at the next table.
In fact, the two people have always had the same interests, so they got along very well at the beginning, even as sisters.
But once, her best friend quarreled with her husband, so she confided the whole story to the colleague at the next table.
A few days later, two people from other departments came to her and asked her:
"Are you divorced?"
She was shocked. When did the trivial things in the family spread to others so quickly?
I just confided to my friends privately. How can it spread into gossip rumors so quickly?
On reflection, I guessed that it was the "good sister" at the next table who said it.
Since then, if anything, her best friend will avoid her, and her feelings will slowly be divided with her.
In fact, many people often talk to us with emotion, which can not represent their real thoughts.
However, many people are happy, open their mouth, do not consider the consequences, mistakenly take others' temporary emotion as the conclusion, and turn around and spread it.
What I fear most is that when it comes to pride, I forget my shape every minute.
If you accidentally use the wrong word, the listener will get the wrong meaning, which will create a new rumor.
Therefore, someone has made an analogy before. He said that being a man is best like a bottle:
Small cut, big belly.
Swallow what you hear, and when you spit it out, narrow the gap and say.
Listen to other people's private affairs and don't spread them. If you can hold yourself firmly and be a person like a bottle, you can gain more trust.
People who can talk want to say, and people who can't talk rush to say.
three
Abstain from madness
Abstain from madness, that is, "control your emotions".
In fact, speaking focuses on grasping the "golden mean".
The so-called doctrine of the mean is to say enough. No personal emotion, no excessive derogation, no embellishment.
You must have heard a story:
A scholar congratulated an old woman on her birthday, and her children were so happy that they invited him to write a toast for her.
The scholar did not refuse, but wrote: "this woman is not a human being". After one word, the old woman's face was angry.
"Nine heavenly fairies go down to earth", from anger to joy.
"Every child is a thief". All the children were frightened and began to gnash their teeth.
"Steal flat peaches and offer them to your loved ones". As soon as the conclusion came out, everyone was amused.
Therefore, what wording you use and how to describe a thing will directly stir up the emotions of others.
A wise man's usual way of speaking is to "state the facts without emotion."
For example, parents educate their children:
Smart parents will pay attention to persuasion and persuade their children;
But some parents will take care to vent their personal emotions, rudely accuse their children, and forget the starting point and purpose.
For example, couples quarrel over household chores:
Some husbands know how to jump out of the quarrel and understand the real psychological needs of their wives, so as to resolve the crisis;
A husband who can't speak will compete with his wife in trivial matters;
Therefore, it can be mellow, not impulsive, not blind, not nonsense, not light talk, not frivolous.
Control your emotions and speak well. What else is unclear?
four
Someone once had an interesting explanation for our facial features:
Why do we all have two eyes and two ears, but only one mouth?
For God wants us to hear more, to see more, and to speak less.
Student Mozi once said this:
What's the advantage of talking endlessly?
For example, the frog in the pond barks every day, making his mouth dry, but no one pays attention to it.
But the cock only calls two or three times at dawn. When we hear the crow, we know it's going to dawn, so we all pay attention to it.
It is better to be right than to say much about talking.
Speaking less is education, and being able to speak is self-cultivation.