There are three things you don't say
Don't expose people's shortcomings:
"Vegetable root Tan": "don't blame people for minor mistakes, don't hair people's private affairs, don't read people's old evils, these three can cultivate morality, but also far harm!"
The mouth is an axe that hurts people, and words are tongue cutters. You don't have to say everything you know. Leave some virtue in your mouth.
Don't expose people's wounds. Those who expose people's scars are hated by others and harm others and themselves.
To live a life is to stand in the world with dignity. "People live a face, trees live a skin". Everyone has dignity and good face. Therefore, in life, don't expose people's shortcomings and talk about people's privacy.
Don't flaunt your words:
Praise from others is called word-of-mouth, and self praise is called boasting.
"Heaven does not speak of self-improvement, and the earth does not speak of self enrichment". People who are really knowledgeable and self-restraint do not need to speak up about themselves.
In the late Qing Dynasty, Zuo Zongtang conquered Xinjiang and made great achievements. Zuo Zongtang had the problem of "scholars like to speak loudly". After making contributions, he talked about his experience of the western expedition.
When someone came to him for business, whether it was business or private, Zuo Zongtang could turn things around to the western expedition in a few words, leaving the other party helpless.
Zuo Zongtang is a capable person, and the credit he boasts is true. He is still criticized by others, so we'd better not say what we flaunt ourselves.
Don't say anything without value:
Ziqin asked the teacher Mozi whether it was good to talk more. Mozi said, "toads and mosquitoes keep barking day and night, making their mouths dry, but who will listen to them? Look at the rooster again, the crow at dawn, the world vibrates, and people get up early."
"Madam, if you don't speak, you must be right." Confucius meant that a person either doesn't speak or speaks to the point as soon as he opens his mouth.
Don't say worthless nonsense. It's useless to say more. It's just right.
Concise and comprehensive is the realm; Eloquent, why not charming? Just say the right words to the right person at the right time, on the right occasion.
There are three things you don't do
Don't take shortcuts:
Zeng Guofan did not take shortcuts in reading, did not understand the previous sentence, did not read the next sentence; Don't finish reading this book, don't touch the next book. Although Zeng Guofan took the scholar's examination for nine years, once he became enlightened, the road behind him became more and more smooth. Four years later, he won the Jinshi, while other students who had won the scholar's examination early did not even come out.
Zeng Guofan did not take shortcuts in fighting. The Hunan army camped everywhere, turning the offensive task into a defensive task, and nibbling away at the areas controlled by the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom bit by bit. This is the "hard stronghold"; The Hunan army often spent the whole year attacking the city, rather than two or three months. By digging trenches and besieging the city, they cut off the enemy's grain roads and supplies, and encircle the enemy when necessary. The method is very stupid, but it is very effective. This is "fighting a stupid War".
Zeng Guofan believed that he benefited from not taking shortcuts, because "the world is extremely clumsy and can win the world's most skillful".
Don't do anything harmful to people:
The outcome of those who harm others is often "to harm others and to harm themselves". There is a fable:
In ancient times, there was a laundryman in the capital. His shop business was very good, while his neighbor was a potter, but his business was very depressed.
The potter thought it was the laundryman's shop that affected the geomantic omen of his shop, so he became harmful. He asked the king that the laundryman had ancestral skills and could wash black elephants into white elephants.
The king was very happy because there were only black elephants in this country, and the white elephant was regarded as a symbol of good luck and a sign of prosperity and strength, so he ordered the washer to wash the black elephant into a white elephant.
The laundryman dared not resist the order. When he came home, he couldn't stop sighing. His wife asked the reason and gave him an idea.
The next day, the laundryman went to the king and said, "my laundry basin is too small to hold an elephant. Please order your majesty to build a pottery basin that can hold an elephant."
So the king ordered the potter to make a pottery pot that could hold an elephant in three days. The Potter was so stupid that he was finally executed by the king because he couldn't make it.
Don't do anything cheap:
Being greedy for cheap will often suffer a heavy loss, because there is no free lunch in the world. Many swindlers have always used people's psychology of being greedy for cheap to achieve their goals.
Many times, doing things depends on popularity. Zuo Zongtang said, "those who are so cheap cannot make money with them". Everyone should guard against those who like to be greedy for cheap! One comes and two goes, people who are greedy for bargains will be annoying and unpopular, but they will lose a lot of opportunities.
Don't do anything greedy for bargains. You might as well do something at a loss. Losing is a blessing. Sometimes losing is taking advantage. When it comes to interests, some are superficial and everyone can see them, but some are invisible and not everyone can see them. If you want something in return, you must know how to give something.
Three people don't pay
You can't make friends with people who have indifferent family ties:
In the spring and Autumn period, Guan Zhong assisted Duke Huan of Qi to make the state of Qi strong and prosperous. When Guan Zhong was dying, Duke Huan of Qi came to discuss with him who could govern the country instead of Guan Zhong in the future.
Qi Huan is recognized as Yiya, Zhudiao and Kaifang. These three people are loyal to him. Yiya once steamed his son and made it into vegetables for Duke Huan of Qi to enjoy; Shudiao castrated himself and became a eunuch to serve Duke Huan of Qi; Kaifang was originally the son of the state of Wei. He gave up his role as the prince of the state of Wei and served Duke Huan of Qi for 15 years. Even if his father died of illness, he didn't go home to have a look.
Guan Zhong said that if a person doesn't even love himself and his close relatives, how can he really love the king? He must stay away from these three people.
After Guan Zhong's death, Duke Huan of Qi put these three people in important position after all. As a result, these three people made trouble, and Duke Huan of Qi starved to death in the palace.
People with indifferent family affection are naturally hard hearted and ruthless. Such people must not be handed over!
Those who are mercenary are not allowed to pay:
Zeng Guofan said, "if you work with good people, you will suffer."
There are always some people in the world who are mercenary. In his heart, he always values interests, always takes advantage of others, and can sell friends for interests.
In life, when you associate with such people, you will always be the object of his squeeze and the thing in his bag. Of course, he will also pay, but his pay is based on greater income and more squeeze from you. Of course, such people can't be handed over!
A man who has broken his word must not hand it in:
Confucius said, "people without faith don't know what to do."
That is to say, a person has to be reliable in speaking and doing things. It can't be three and four for a while, which makes people at a loss.
In life, it is a nightmare to live with people who have broken their promises. It is a waste of life to hope for people who make promises lightly. They have been changing. What they said in the morning has changed in the afternoon. What they decided yesterday has become a piece of waste paper today. Communicating with them is like riding on a ship they don't know where to go.
A friend's value lies in sincerity. A friend may be forgiven for his other shortcomings. If he breaks his word, people can't tell which of his words is true and which is false. It's better to stay away from him, because no one is interested in listening to words that can't be fulfilled every day.
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