Dale Carnegie, the world-renowned master of success, once said: "only 15% of a person's success is due to his professional knowledge, and 85% will be due to his ability to express ideas, lead others and arouse others' enthusiasm." Albert, a famous developmental psychologist, also put forward the standard of sound and mature personality, in which the first thing is "the ability to communicate enthusiastically with others." Indeed, when a person embarks on the journey of life, from home to school, from school to society and to the torrent of life, the first thing he faces is how to deal with his interpersonal relationship with himself and others. However, due to the universality and complexity of interpersonal relationships, we are often confused and annoyed when we just go to society. When we encounter specific and somewhat complex interpersonal conflicts, we are often at a loss.
This article will tell you the skills and secrets of getting a good interpersonal relationship from three aspects: establishing interpersonal relationships, maintaining interpersonal relationships and interpersonal taboos.
1、 By mastering these, you will become a person with excellent interpersonal skills
- It takes only one minute for passers-by to become acquainted
Have you ever had such an experience: when facing a stranger, you want to talk to each other or establish friendship with each other. However, the other party always looks cold, or you ask, he answers, and be on guard. In fact, everyone is eager to communicate with others and be concerned by others. But most of the time, they often lack initiative because of vigilance.
Zhang Ailing said: among thousands of people, you meet the person you want to meet. Over thousands of years, in the boundless wilderness of time, you happen to catch up with it, neither earlier nor a bit late. You can only gently ask, "Oh, so you're here?" In fact, we all long for such a meeting, so poetic and beautiful, like a dream. In reality, you can do it if you like.
1.1 take the initiative to attack with sincerity
You should remember that under normal circumstances, friendship will not take the initiative to "come to the door". If the other person is really the one you want to communicate with, why not give yourself some courage and call the other person's conversation box? The first thing to do is to throw away all the so-called "sorry" and "looking ahead and backward"!
A person has no concealment or deception to others. This characteristic is sincerity. Only sincerity can enter each other's heart and establish a good sense of trust and affinity with strangers and friends. A person always disguises himself and wears a false mask. On the surface, he is very popular. In fact, if he can't stand the test of time, he will eventually be abandoned by friendship. Most of the time, there is only a layer of "window paper that can be broken in one poke" between us and strangers. Smile is a language without borders. It represents a kind of goodwill, invisible and soft power. A smile from the heart is not only the appearance of people's beautiful heart, but also the expression of kindness and friendliness at the bottom of their heart.
1.2 cut into the topic and open the conversation box
Courage alone is not enough. Once a common topic is found and the communication has a direction, they will not look at each other and avoid the embarrassing situation of having nothing to talk about. Conversation needs topics, just as cooking needs ingredients. Find topics of common interest in the process of conversation, or be a thoughtful person and know each other's background and preferences in advance.
1.3 the other party is introverted and skilled
It is not easy to establish good communication with a stranger, and it is even more difficult to be an introverted stranger. Introverts tend to be conservative and unwilling to communicate with others. Introverts often have a significant feature, that is, they are easy to be nervous when talking. In the face of tension, the simplest and effective way is to create a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, so as to reduce and eliminate each other's tension. For example, when communicating with introverts, you might as well talk about the weather, clothes and hometown first, which can not only create an atmosphere, but also eliminate the estrangement, arouse the desire of the other party to talk, and even successfully become a "chatterbox". At the same time, we should remember that when others talk to you, your body leans forward, indicating that you are listening carefully to each other and are very interested in them. There should also be spontaneous eye contact, preferably with a short interval in the middle and a friendly nod.
1.4 it is difficult to find demand and refuse
There is such a story: a journalism graduate is eager to find a job. One day, he went to a newspaper and said to the editor in chief, "do you need an editor?" "No!" "What about the reporter?" "No!" "What about the typesetters and proofreaders?" "No, we don't have any vacancies." "Then you must need this." With that, he took out an exquisite small sign from his briefcase, which said "full, not employed for the time being". The editor in chief looked at the sign, smiled, nodded and said, "if you like, you can work in our advertising department." If the other party keeps your enthusiasm out of the door, you might as well find the other party's needs and meet them to win the other party's interest and appreciation.
- No matter how extensive your contacts are, they also need careful care
Contacts not only need to be explored hard, but also need careful care.
Practice has proved that without the later care of contacts, it will lead to the alienation of relationships and the dilution of feelings. For a long time, even the closest confidant will become a passer-by in life.
In social life, the so-called contacts are based on mutual understanding and mutual trust. When we communicate with close friends and partners, we first have mutual understanding and trust, which eliminates the estrangement between the two sides and becomes more and more familiar. Finally, it forms a broad interpersonal network.
And basic understanding and trust are far from enough. In order to further enhance our feelings and establish long-term interpersonal relationships, we need to understand each other with our hearts and put each other in an important position.
After graduating from Shiyuan University for more than a year, he is now doing sales work in an advertising company, visiting 3-10 customers every day, and has accumulated a large number of "contacts" over the past year. There are hundreds of business cards with a wide range of industries, such as catering, entertainment, real estate, automobile, etc. he sealed these "achievements" well. Every time I meet friends to play, Shi Yuan will proudly show his "contacts". But the reality is that more than 80% of the people on these business cards are people he knows but others don't know him. Therefore, many have no "substantive" relationship. At present, only a few 10 customers have a certain cooperative relationship with Shiyuan, but it is not warm. Later, Shi Yuan left the company because of poor customer quality and poor performance. He switched to other industries. His interpersonal relationship was stranded for a time, which also filled him with doubts.
Shiyuan seems to have a wide range of contacts, but in essence, it is an illusion. Real contacts need to be protected by action. No matter how extensive your contacts are, they can't stand the erosion of time.
When we are in deep trouble, we often sigh, "why is no one willing to help me?" This is because there is a crisis between us and our interpersonal relationship, and our interpersonal relationship has suffered Waterloo due to the lack of care. In order to change the status quo, we must take practical actions. After a long time, without contact, the relationship will naturally weaken. How should we do it? The best thing is a benign interaction. Take the initiative to contact each other. Even a small concern and blessing may restore a relationship that is about to lose. You can ask the other party for a small favor, or invite the other party to dinner. In any case, you will owe a favor., Next time, when you encounter a problem, you will naturally think of the other party, and the other party will have difficulties and speak, and you will gladly accept it.
- Humor adds luster to you
Chekhov, a Russian writer, said, "a man who does not know how to joke is a man without hope." The function of humor is to lubricate interpersonal relationships, eliminate suspicion and estrangement with others, and show your frank and sincere side.
Humor is not only an ability, but also a personality force. Actor Ge you once made fun of his bald head: there is no grass on the busy road and no hair on the smart head. Thus, humor can not only reflect a person's easygoing personality, but also show a person's intelligence, wisdom and adaptability. Humor is an angel of happiness between the soul. It represents wisdom, kindness and sincerity. Those who have a sense of humor will always bring happiness and pleasure to others, and everywhere they go will be full of a harmonious atmosphere. At the same time, people with a sense of humor will be deeply loved by everyone and have enviable interpersonal relationships.
In a small town, the owner of a pub had a bad temper and couldn't hear a bad word.
Vaguely, a passer-by drank here. As soon as he took a sip, he couldn't help shouting: "the wine is so sour!" At this time, everyone focused on the passer-by, and the pleasant atmosphere fell to the freezing point in an instant.
When the boss learned about it, he was furious and told the waiter to hold up his stick and prepare to beat the passer-by. At this time, seeing from the person at the nearby wine table, he stepped forward and asked, "boss, why do you want to fight?"
The boss said, "my wine is well-known. This man said it was sour. Do you think he should fight it?"
"Let me try it," the man said Just after tasting it, the man's eyes and eyebrows were crowded together. He blurted out, "you'd better let him go and hit me twice." As a result, everyone couldn't help laughing, so the original conflict subsided in a humorous sentence.
People with a sense of humor are full of wisdom. Although they expose their disadvantages and express their dissatisfaction, they are good at mobilizing the atmosphere of speaking and adjusting their way of speaking. It is not only not sharp, but also enlightening and thought-provoking.
At the same time, people who know humor not only contribute to interpersonal relationships, but also dilute all kinds of misfortunes in life. Humor is an effective way to reduce psychological pressure. People who know humor turn pain into humor, assume themselves in a relaxed and pleasant environment, and take all suffering as the seasoning of life. People who don't know humor are always negative and depressed about the misfortunes of life, and become more annoyed and painful. In life, you might as well collect some humorous resources, read some hilarious jokes and watch some interesting sketches, which will also add happiness to life. If you are willing to accept humor, you will find that everywhere is full of humor. When you begin to show your humor, you will be in a happy life, have a stronger network magnetic field and promote the development of your career.
But when using humor, some taboos should not be touched!
- Avoid unclear purpose and lack of proper humor. The purpose of humor is big and small. Generally speaking, one is to amuse the audience and create a happy atmosphere, and the other is to show their talents and express themselves. So humor is very important.
- Don't use other people's scars as humorous material. Taking other people's scars as funny materials to show their sense of humor is very stupid. It will not only bring fun, but also disgust.
- Praise is an art
Manager Mary Kay, a famous American female entrepreneur, said: "there are two things in the world that people need more than money and sex - recognition and praise."
A cleaner of a large company in South Korea was originally the most neglected and despised role, but such a person fought to the death with the thief when the company's safe was stolen one night.
Afterwards, when someone asked for his work and asked him about his motivation, the answer was unexpected. He said: when the general manager of the company passes by him, he always praises him from time to time. You sweep the floor so clean. With such a simple sentence, the employee was moved and promised each other by example. This is also in line with an old Chinese saying: a scholar dies for a bosom friend.
Everyone's heart is eager to be praised by others, not judged by others. Tolsky once said, "praise is necessary in the best, friendliest and simplest interpersonal relationships, just as oil is necessary for the wheel, which can make the wheel turn faster." It can be seen that praise is important in interpersonal relationships.
Friends in politics, please learn to praise this art. Praise will help you reduce hostility and win support; Business friends, please learn to praise this art. Praise will help you increase customers and win wealth; If you are a leader, please learn to praise. Praise can help you motivate your subordinates and win respect; If you are an employee, please learn to praise. Praise can help you gain sincerity and win trust; If you have a family, please learn to praise this art. Praise can help you achieve harmony and beauty and win happiness; If you want to win praise for your children, please help them win praise for the future.
- A friend's friend is a friend
There is an old Chinese saying: "a single flower is not spring. A hundred flowers bloom and spring fills the garden." After all, a person's strength is limited, and with more friends, we can achieve both ends in our career and invincible on the battlefield of life.
In psychology, the explanation of acquaintance chain effect must be heard by everyone. The acquaintance chain effect believes that any two people in the world can be included in a common circle of acquaintances as long as they pass the intermediate relationship of five or six stations.
Adam nook, a reporter of the guardian in London, wants to write an article and interview Mu Zimei, a Guangzhou girl who is very popular on the Internet. Adam nook first contacted one of his Beijing friends l, who happened to know Mu Zimei's high school classmate w in the United States. Through W, he found Mu Zimei's good friend m, who promised to help his friend. It is said that through this channel, Adam nuke successfully contacted muzimei in Guangzhou. We have found that it takes only a few steps to connect people who have nothing to do with each other at both ends of the world.
Networking is a process of constantly spreading branches and leaves. In life, more friends will produce a "multiplier effect". For example, a friend of yours invites you to his party. Naturally, most of the people who attend the party are unfamiliar to you. However, through the introduction of friends, you will have the opportunity to communicate with your friends, and the interpersonal network will be spread out. The richer the network resources, the more ways to make money. The grade of your contacts also virtually determines the speed at which you make money. Through the introduction of a friend, you can quickly establish a sense of trust with the other party. A friend's introduction is equivalent to a guarantee of integrity. If he doesn't trust you, he will not introduce you to others. With a friend's credit guarantee, the circle of friends expands rapidly at little cost.