Chapter 3: The Balancer Wars Part 1

Humpy arrived in DeFi City, driven by a singular obsession: to become the realm's richest egg. The towering skyscrapers of data blocks pierced the sky, their shimmering surfaces reflecting a kaleidoscope of neon lights. The air was thick with the electric hum of transactions, occasionally punctuated by the distant chime of successful trades. The ground beneath him vibrated with the pulse of the blockchain, while the scent of freshly minted tokens wafted through the air, a tantalizing promise of the riches that lay within the city's walls. In the shadows, smart contracts were whispered and deals were made. The city was a dazzling maze of chaos, flashing lights, and vaporware promises. Here, fortunes could change in a heartbeat; a city where a few won big, but many more were left with empty wallets.

But Humpy was no ordinary egg. He navigated through a world filled with crooks and rug pullers, managing to build his fortune bit by bit. Yet still, there were people with golden hoards far greater than him. After a few years, Humpy realized he couldn’t achieve his dreams without some creative thinking. There was a currency more valuable than gold: and its name was influence. Humpy needed political connections to take himself to the next level. He set his sights on the Balancer DAO.

The price was terribly high. This was no ordinary club. To gain entry, the DAO demanded Humpy give them his heart of gold. His yolk froze when they asked, yet every ounce of his instinct knew that this was the path to achieve his dreams.

Humpy wished the alchemist was around to advise him. If he forsook his heart of gold, was he giving up his ability to become a golden egg forever? And would it be enough - to be the richest egg in the realm - so he could become a powerful whale? But the alchemist was not there. He would pay their price, make his fortune… and then somehow, someway, he would get back his heart of gold.

Humpy refused the sedatives the egg surgeon offered.

“I need to remember this pain,” said Humpy, “so I never forget the price I’ve paid...” The surgeon’s egg-spoon hovered over his shell, glimmering in silver light. Then, it cracked his shell open. Humpy’s screams tore the air.

That day a part of him was torn away, a part that he might never get back. But the sacrifice was necessary for what lay ahead. The heart of gold, a symbol of his purity and innocence, was now in their hands, and with it, a piece of his soul.

–

Humpy's first weeks in the DAO were a whirlwind. He was eager to make his mark, to prove that he was more than just an up-and-coming tycoon. But his aggressive moves didn't sit well with everyone.

A faction within the DAO, the Balancer Maxis, often whispered about in hushed tones, was led by a figure of intrigue—a man distinguished by his turban, known only as Solar Curve. These Maxis weren't just gatekeepers; they were the heart and soul of the protocol, having been there since its inception. In Humpy, they saw not just a disruptor, but someone whose unchecked ambitions might tilt the scales.

As he navigated the treacherous waters of DeFi politics, the weight of his decisions and the compromises he made were always shadowed by the absence of his golden heart. It became a silent witness to his journey, a symbol of the price of ambition.

During this conflict, Humpy met Andrea, an existing delegate in the DAO. Andrea, with his own interests and a history that intertwined with some of the Maxis, became Humpy's consigliere. Andrea's knack for spotting opportunities and his intricate knowledge of the DAO's inner workings made him invaluable to Humpy.

The strategy was simple: use Humpy’s significant wealth to take positions in relatively unknown liquidity pools, then leverage his massive governance power. By the time the governance vote had passed, other players were effectively priced out.

The Balancer Maxis, led by Solar Curve, recognized the potential risks of Humpy's strategies. Every two weeks, Solar Curve introduced new BIP proposals to shut down Humpy’s scheme. Humpy pivoted, exploring newer, smaller pools. Badger, Cream, Digg, vote after vote, pool after pool, Humpy’s wealth grew faster than he could count.

The Balancer DAO realized this wasn’t just an egg - this was a master player who had sacrificed everything to sit at the governors table. The DAO organized their biggest votes. In a set of sweeping policies, Solar Curve and the Maxis destroyed Humpy’s ability to farm his rewards.

That night, Humpy’s clothes were ragged and his voice hoarse as he stalked across the plush interior of his opulent penthouse. “How could they do this to me?” Humpy shouted. “I’m so close, and they destroy our CREAM/WETH farm… Don’t they know who they’re dealing with?”

After all, Humpy just needed one last, big play to become the richest egg in all the realm. But Solar Curve’s BIP policy interfered with his ability to gain precious token rewards in micro-cap liquidity pools. Humpy was stuck with too much veBal and not enough cold, hard cash to fulfill his dreams of becoming a whale…

Then, a glimmering new opportunity appeared: the TetuBAL Liquidity Pool. There was a loophole in the TetuBal liquidity pool’s condition's that would allow Humpy one final high yield farm with uncapped balancer rewards. It could secure Humpy as the richest egg in the realm and give him an unbreakable advantage in the DeFi city economy.

Humpy felt a weight in his yolk, a gnawing uncertainty that he hadn't felt in a long time. Memories of past failures and the haunting echo of sacrifices made threatened to paralyze him. Every decision carried the weight of destiny, and the fear of making the wrong choice was a constant shadow.

“Seize the chance,” Andrea whispered, his eyes glinting, “This is your moment… pump the TetuBAL bags, Humpy…"

The potential profits were too good to ignore. Humpy took his position in the TetuBAL pool. Then Andrea introduced the proposal at the Balancer Governance Table.

As Andrea introduced the proposal, he locked eyes with Solar Curve. The room was thick with tension. The vote passed that night.

The mood was sour in the governor’s room. Humpy smirked at the Maxis, the Aura Delegates, and everyone who had tried to keep him from  his endgame. “Humpy gets his yields,” he muttered as he left.

–

As the contentious meeting drew to a close, Humpy and Andrea decided to take a walk through the neon-lit streets of DeFi City to clear their minds. The city's vibrancy usually offered a welcome distraction, but tonight, the weight of the meeting hung heavily between them. The digital billboards flashed their ever-changing messages, and the usual buzz of the city felt distant as they walked side by side, lost in thought. They passed down an alleyway.

The air grew cold, and an eerie silence descended. Shadowy figures appeared in front and behind them. Before they could react, they found themselves surrounded, ambushed from all sides. It was Solar Curve. "Humpy, give it up. You’re going to destroy Balancer.”

Humpy put his hand on Andrea’s arm. “You don’t know what you’re talking about - I’m just an honest farmer,” he said.

“You didn’t do your due diligence!” cried Solar Curve. “There’s a looper contract in the TetuBal pool. You’re trapped in an illiquid position.”

Time slowed down around Humpy. His mind raced. His yolk pounding, he realized that it was true. There was a Looper Contract that he had missed.

Then, time restarted. “Take his private keys,” commanded Solar Curve. The ambushers leaped at them.

Andrea screamed, but Humpy moved with the cool desperation of a cornered egg; he activated a powerful ability he had learned during his early days in DeFi City—a flash loan exploit.

With a quick command, he executed the flash loan. The alleyway lit up with the blinding light of ten thousand shimmer heikin ashi candles, disorienting the attackers.

Seizing the moment, Andrea activated a privacy shield. "Now, Humpy! Let's go!"

They dashed out of the alleyway, their hearts pounding. Once they were at a safe distance, they became visible again. Humpy murmured to Andrea, "There must be another way, a path where we don't constantly clash with the Maxis. My assets, our future... it's all at stake."

The game's chapters were still unfolding. In Humpy's eyes, where once blazed a fiery ambition, now shimmered a nuanced glint—perhaps an awakening to the idea that in this intricate ballet of power, there were moments to lead and moments to follow the dance's rhythm.