When I was a chemist my value was very clear.

     I use my knowledge of the molecular world to create something that otherwise would not exist. I synthesize something of higher value from low value reagents. I analyze those with expensive instrumentation to validate that I made what I wanted to make. It in a way was simple. I honestly hated that it felt simple.

     Web3 - at the time I got into the space called crypto - ignited a fire in me. It was compelling. Complicated. New. Fresh. Uncharted. Unlike chemistry, everything was unknown and that drew me like a month to a flame. Everything was math and math I did not understand. What the hell even is cryptography? What is a blockchain? How does this all even work?

It was intoxicating. Warning - special interest on the horizon.

I was sold.

     I could not wait to get home from my chemistry job to read more about web3. Learn more about DAOs. Understand DeFi mechanics. Study what NFTs even are. Research tokens and their utility. The hunger for web3 was so deep to almost feel spiritual. I wanted to work in the space full time. I wanted to leave chemistry behind. I was ready for the freshness. I was ready to be challenged. Flash forward more than three years, I am Head of Community at Wonderverse, a startup exploring web3 enabled project management and community engagement. I have worked at Wonderverse for almost a year and a half and it has been a wild ride. I joined full time at the height of the bull in late 2021 and experienced the crash with the company. We are still building and finding success even in this climate. 

     My following on Twitter has grown to more than 3,000 strong. I went to my first DAO conference since the start of Covid - DAO Camp - a few weeks ago and it confirmed that I want to be here. Throughout all the ups and downs, I love web3. I want to stay in the industry for the long term. Now the dialectic is that working in web3 terrifies me. I worry everyday that I cannot stay in the space I have found such a passion for. I have such deep anxiety that I cannot make a career in web3 and that I bring no value to the space that can pay me. In chemistry, I knew my value proposition was to make or analyze that chemical. In web3, I feel lost in a digital existence wondering if anything I am doing is enough.

Am I even worthy of being here? What do I need to do to stay?

     I have learned that passion is a terrifying dialectic: jubilation and terror existing within my body at once. I have never wanted to stay somewhere. I could care less about the chemistry role I held or what company I worked for, but I am scared of having to leave this industry. That the market conditions will force my hand. Or community management is not valuable enough. Much of this fear comes from a life of fighting, but in web3 I have not had to fight. I love that. I feel accepted. Web3 has helped me self actualize. It has helped me find rest, and abundance, and joy. I love exploring projects, running twitter spaces, getting on calls to help educate folks on Wonder, web3, and more! I love bringing a DEI lens to space. I love learning the math that the space runs on. It is scary how much I care. But like a first love, it bubbles up from my core and spills forth: I LOVE WEB3! There is no rhyme or reason; it just is. This level of alignment scares me. I am terrified that I will have to leave. I love my life. I love working for Wonder. I love working from home. I love the people I work with and have met through web3.

I feel held and seen.

     The dialectic of passion is hard to hold. Following my heart is deeply scary and dually abundantly rewarding. Web3 came into my life like a tornado. Tore up the old, planted the new. I have no idea what this year will bring, and that scares me, but I am trusting, in my heart and web3, that it will pan out someway, somehow. That I will be able to stay and that the fear can coexist with the joy, neither derailing my passion and my growth within web3.

     Thank you to everyone who helped me get here. Who cares for me. Who follows me. Who sees me. It might sound silly, but this space has changed my life. I want to show people how web3 technology is critical to our collective liberated future.

Much love,

Madam Cult Leader (En)