We all feel the turbulence and stranglehold of life as we inhabit it. We can be overwhelmed or resilient, and the storms we've been through form a mask. We want to be seen, heard and cared for so much that everything they say and do leaves a deep imprint on us. At the same time, as our limbs stretch out in all directions, our sense of self-worth continues to take root, inch by inch. When pain strikes, we want everyone to bleed like us. When we are drunk in despair, also wish everyone as vulnerable as themselves. Jealousy and despair can make us so narrow, but we can also become something else entirely. When we are in a vortex of fear and must take risks on our own, we may puff up others to keep ourselves out of the spotlight. It is inescapable human nature to flatter others as a lazy escape from our own insecurities. We are always so adrift, one moment we may be completely here, the next moment we may be completely away. Only with honesty can we return to our true inner self. I was once struck by a bout of jealousy. An old acquaintance went to a lot of trouble to find me and appeared in front of me like Zorro, insisting on "talking" about my work. After that, I was in a deep state of exhaustion, feeling vilified. Then I realized that jealousy can be like a wave back, outwardly giving, but secretly pulling away with the other hand. The denigration of the heart is more destructive than the deprivation of the hand. When I got home, I found myself in a deep state of guard, as if I could be attacked by something from behind.
A week later, I met another person who worshipped me even more, a little too much. The experience of two separate encounters is revealing: jealousy leads us to condemn others for being who we want to be, and exaltation leads us to surrender our own potential to others. Jealousy feels bitter, but praise feels good. Neither contributes to our soul search or our lessons for coming to Earth. Here, we might as well go back to the tree mentioned by the Buddha, standing peacefully against the wind and rain of praise, loss and gain. Like it or not, we are all growing like this tree, in two directions: the soul planting its roots deep into the earth beneath its feet, no matter how the outside world changes; And the trunk stretches out in every direction, interwoven in the intricate network of earthly connections. The cultivation of man is to look at both developments at the same time: the earth of being draws us inward, and the wind and rain of life stirs our outward branches. Our lives will inevitably be disturbed by others. Flattery and denunciation from the outside have nothing to do with who we are. However, as a human being, we will inevitably be affected by these "voices", or depressed, or complacent. We can't choose to disappear, though that sounds like a good option, and we can't retreat to a root system that's deep in darkness. We're bound to swing our branches in the wind and rain of the world, with an unbreakable root system that supports us forever. Our task is not to say no to the next leg of the journey. It's natural to be weighed down by criticism or to bask in the praise of others, but if we worry too much about criticism, we can fall into the trap of "You're wrong!" The prison of correcting others; And flattery keeps us stuck. We must strive to maintain "I'm wonderful!" This sudden vortex of praise. Basically, neither adds to our energy; both are a drain. But like a tree, we gain our true beauty when we can absorb the moisture of a storm, even when it shakes us.
The way to separate ourselves from the "voices" that come our way is to be sure of who we really are. This brings me to two recent Revelations. This is a time when I am guiding students to emerge, I often get inspiration from students. Linda had always felt lonely, so she tried to find and cultivate truly valuable friendships in her own life. So, she decided to break out of themselves, rebuild a true circle of friends. Linda had a cousin, a very devout evangelical Christian, who was kind-hearted but had extreme views on religious issues, and Linda was a more radical spiritual seeker, and they never had a deep conversation about faith. Once, when her cousin suddenly asked her about her faith, Linda didn't know where to start and avoided the subject, but the next time they met, she finally summoned the courage to say, "Let's put aside our beliefs and just talk about our own experiences." There is a profound lesson here: if we share only what we see and hear on our travels, rather than our own opinions and conclusions based on those experiences, we will be closer to each other, avoid misunderstandings and distortions, and free from the judgmental mind born out of our beliefs and principles. It will be easier for people to communicate on the level of life. Taking off the mask of conclusion, we are more easily moved and touched by each other's humanity, and this is sincerity. Later in the class, I asked people how they felt about the day's discussion. Dan looked like he wanted to say something, and I sensed it, so I turned my head silently to him. He felt my attention and blurted out, "I really want to be in control of this." I deliberately stayed for a moment to give him a space to feel deeply and give the whole group a chance to understand what he said. Then I said that the word "mastery" didn't seem to quite convey the depth of his feelings, and see if I could think of another word for it. So I invited Dan not to discuss the phrase, to think of what he meant, to incubate for a while, to open the sense of the word "control" like a box and see what was inside. The conversation continued in the group for about 20 minutes when Dan blurted out, "Eureka! What I really mean is: I want to believe in it all!" I am in awe, and the wisdom that sleeps in our throats, when encouraged and given room to incubate, can indeed suddenly awaken. Dan's honest exploration helped lift the team and humbled me. Mastery allows us to attempt strategic planning, while trust allows us to experience a wider range of resources. The journey from control to trust is as if we wanted to own the river with open arms, only to find that we can only own the river when we roll up our pants and step into it and follow the current. So, rather than resist the torrent of life, let's choose an entry point, plunge into the river of life, and see where it takes us. Beliefs harden us and harden us, while sharing allows us to discover the common core of our personal experiences. So when we feel jealous, let go of the fear that we may never be what we want to be. As we put others on our pedestal, we can also reduce our own insecurities by delving into what it is that we worship. If we share only what we see and hear on our travels, rather than our own opinions and conclusions based on those experiences, we will be closer to each other and avoid misunderstandings and distortions. If we could ask the tree, it would admit that it yearns for and fears the wind, just as we yearns for praise and fear criticism. If we could ask the fish that goes up and down in the current, he would surely confess his longing and fear of the waves, just as we yearn for gain and fear loss; If we could ask every soul that is about to be born or soon to be born, it would surely confess its own yearning and fear of reincarnation as a person to live on earth, just as we yearn for the joys of life and dread the sorrows of life. Like all human beings, I suffer from the distortions that my body is bound to suffer, and try not to let them shape my faith. I really want to trust in all this, as the trees trust in the sky and the earth. ● In your journal, describe how you deal with the conflict between wanting to be in control of your life and needing to trust it. ● In a conversation with a family member or friend, tell a story about a time when you were inappropriately blamed or praised and how that experience affected your understanding of yourself.
