I’m getting close to two months on findom / femdom Twitter. Here are some scattered thoughts on what I’ve discovered so far.

I'm a bad findom

I answer random DMs. I turn people away that are already owned. I'm not involved in blackmail, aside from "I bet you'd love it if your pictures got out" DM roleplay. I removed a menu-style pinned tweet when I started getting DMs asking, "If I pay you x, will you do y?" I just found that dynamic too un-dominant. I don't show myself much at all. Even anime boobs or dicks in my tweets feel weird. Addiction language makes me queasy - relapse, drain, give in, lose everything. Yikes! 

I tried to write some Hey bitch, grovel at my feet. Stroke and send 🖕relapse harder tweets, but it felt unnatural. In many of my tweets, I talk about soft D/s dynamics rather than findom. It feels more natural, I think it’s sexier, but it won’t set dicks a-twitching.

But all Twitter Dommes are, at a minimum, writing tweets, finding fanart, commissioning fanart, engaging with other people’s tweets, taking photos, producing clips, doing sessions. Sure we say “You send while I get to do nothing all day, loser!” but we’re probably working harder than you.

I'm a good femdom

It's delightful what boys will do if I just ask them to do it. Just ask is a lot of work. I bought femdom videos, joined domme communities, and read books meant for both dominants and submissives. Then I studied cult programming, Scientology auditing, and religious rituals. 

I love MacGyvering creative ways to torture subs at long distance. Subs get a list of items to bring to our video chat, such as matches, a Sharpie, a shallow bowl, and ketchup. I want them to wonder if I'm planning to make them put it up their butts or if I am about to do a magic show.

I’ve gotten good reviews so far.

Is it hot? Once in a while. I mostly direct and watch video sessions with a sort of fascinated detachment. 

Like how I remember the family dog. He was a good boy, and when he met new people he’d get so excited that he’d start whining, roll over and pee straight up into the air (and sometimes on the person dumb enough to give him a belly rub). I used to think, my sweet, dumb, boy, what did you just do? You are so helpless. How would you ever survive in the world alone? It’s a mix of affection, embarrassment, concern, annoyance, pride, disgust, and astonishment. And horniness, once in a while (that one only applies here, not to my dog RIP). 

Someday I will just get silent sends and DMs, and that will be perfect. 

Texts are work, too

DMs themselves are mentally exhausting since you must still try to anticipate and respond to the person’s emotions. It take a lot of compassion. I have cried three times already out of empathy or frustration. Although I want to be a shoulder (lap?) for others to cry on, it sometimes leaves me tired and depleted.

Requesting a tribute isn't greedy

I didn't have a minimum tribute requirement at first. But many boys are content with just the fantasy of being owned, submitting, or get off on asking me for my tribute methods. Most of the time now, I don’t give out kink on day 1, tribute or not. Tributes and the 24-hour waiting period are the easiest ways for me to know you take me seriously, and I should take you seriously.

I love to insult subs

Name-calling is just as enjoyable now as it was in high school. Before I had my twitter, I would sometimes go on Reddit’s small dick subreddit, and see how quickly I could spit out funny insults. I do love calling men trash, losers, small-dicked simps over twitter. Once they’re my losers and simps, I mete out insults based on context.

I love praising subs and making them better

Additionally, I have an outlet to share what I have learned from reading and thinking about how to be a better person. I finally have an opportunity to share my knowledge of negative self-image, intrusive thoughts, loneliness, motivation, and goal-setting with an interested audience (even if it's because they're horny). It’s the blind leading the desperate, but I’ve done the reading.

Still struggling with the contradictions

Earlier this year, I led a goal-setting accountability group - a weekly check-in with people who had participated in the same workshop. They were all men. They all stopped attending. (So did I but I lasted longer.)

Goals are hard, willpower fails us all. Boys will eat their own cum and smash their balls, yet they'll disappear if I ask them to work out, list their goals, redo their resume, or sign up for a dating app (all real tasks I've given them!). It’s fascinating. Yes, of course, one is faster and a kink and more easily tied to a quick win (nutting), but even when I tie good-for-them tasks to chastity, it fails more often than it works. So the biggest challenge is to navigate what may be impossible - engaging in online domming ethically. Are findom and/or femdom inextricably linked to guilt, shame, and low self-esteem?

Two counterexamples:

Someone came to me with a small tribute, but I quickly learned that his last domme made him call himself a pig, a retard, and worthless. The domme may only have intended that in the context of a session, so I can't judge her. Yet he clearly took it to heart and felt a great deal of guilt for not exercising. I gave him three tasks: 1) stop talking to mean girls; 2) stop jerking off; and 3) show me proof that he works out every day. Although he hasn't sent since then, I still enjoy his daily DMs.

A second boy felt guilty for spending so much time on findom Twitter, so I gave him a Pavlok so I could "contact" him even when he wasn't online. I also connected the API to RescueTime so that he automatically gets punished if he spends too much time on certain websites, and I can zap him whenever I want, so he knows I'm watching him.

… then I read stories on Reddit from findom addicts and question it again. 

Subs will not return if I do a poor job, subs will not return if I do a good job

With example #2, it is clear that the goal is for him to stop jerking off to findom/femdom porn, which means eliminating triggers, which means eliminating me. That’s depressing. I take in applications from subs who want to be fully owned and controlled, but I haven’t accepted any of them.

The future

I'm job-hunting so I'll be on Twitter less. Once I have a full-time job I’ll have to decide how I want to proceed.

I’m signed up for an in-person femdom workshop. I may switch to in-person only, because it seems like in-person has a higher bar and the men are more likely to be truly submissive and not just porn-addicted boys with unresolved personal issues. 

Or I’ll just start publishing everything as NFTs and hope for the best.