Ever since I can remember, I was told to trust. I was told that only if you trust someone you can develop a healthy connection.

“Our relationship changed. Became everything to me, very quickly.”
(Disarray, Kercha)

I have always based my connection on trust. I thought that is the way to grow, together, as species. Via trust I could base my decisions and rely on other people. We are different and we grew apart. The trust that was always there, the trust we shared, the trust that opened all the possibilities and opportunities wide open. Now you just must move on and let go.

We did what we wanted, quickly learning how it would go if we wouldn’t always trust. It always ends up on one poor decision that changes everything. The shared feeling of living a movie has turned to the worst nightmare imaginable. Once you lose the trust the connection is lost.

What does it all mean? It is too soon to say. The ties have been cut and only time will tell.

“However badly people treat us, they teach us a lesson about being human.”
(Portraitxo, 2023)

The feelings are real. The rage is real. Let yourself experience it. Absence turns to presence, night turns to day, wind reforms the dunes, repeating the same mistakes over and over. You haven’t learned yet. There is time. Its ok.

The tears have dried… for now. Keep on going, one step at a time. Sitting, exploring… I come across a protocol. It tells me: “don’t trust, verify”. I’m in. Its ok to trust, as long as you can verify the truth. I do my due diligence.

“Watching old memories pass. Wondering, am I sane? I look around and I see how darkness surrounds our society. It keeps falling down, into the same pattern. They have ideas and then they grow old. They live old and they think: Now is the time to do something constructive. If only they would have helped their ideas change again. I look around and I see how darkness surrounds our society. They seek the light with false pretenses, so false they might as well be vegetables.”
(Darkness Interlude, The Koreatown Oddity)

Time passes; dunes reshaped. What changed? It rained somewhere and small particles of sand landed on the windshield of a biker’s helmet. Washed over. No change.

Once I will learn. Once I will grow to understand. Will I accept? Can I forgive? It feels as if the one that was trusting ends up questioning their self-worth.

Fragility of trust plays at the intersection of values and needs.

Expressing needs to build trust might be one of the most important acts. Every human and non-human has needs. When these are unsatisfied, they deepen the hunger.

Imagine the feeling of looking deep into your eyes. Can you maintain contact? What do you feel? Are you getting any leads? Can you trust them?

Are you them? Who are you? Them grew apart, together. Its time.

Coldness hugged me. I see the cabin. I see myself picking a postcard in a gallery, with an artwork that reminds me of you.

There was no time.
Walking in a park.
Walking in a forest.
Sitting. Lying.
Liar!

Building together, building ourselves, building in public. Open heart, open mind. Honesty and loyalty. Life felt like a movie, no time, just stories. Only feelings and experiences, explorations. Memories stay as time moves; dunes reshape, again.

Wind lifted the last particles of compassion and spread them around like ashes. Ashes of time, time spent on constructing a sandcastle. Rain that fell down my cheeks tasted like the sea. Now washed away, finding the nearest crevice for a moment of pleasure. In the dunes of time, trust is nothing, but a particle, and it too reshapes.

Pleasure over time,
the coldness turned to warmth
for a moment.
As if sun rays that surrounds faces and bodies,
everything was forgotten.
Every moment has its price.

How much for the trust? That depends. Trust is an expression. Trust is something we build over time. As we build connections, we develop it further.

If you do not trust, are you here?