11 December 2021

More than a month has passed since writing the first portion of this piece. Yesterday, one of my favorite artists, CharlestheFirst passed away. Again, I’m reminded I should share my experiences in case they may help anyone out there who is reading this.

I’ve also learned letting these thoughts and feelings out help me process such losses. I learned the hard way what bottling things up can lead to… from 2016 to 2019 I was lost and living a terribly unhealthy lifestyle.

In discussion with friends, family, and my therapist - I’ve come to realize that what really saved me was really being lucky enough to have the resources and support system to come home and get help when I needed it in late 2019. I was unemployed, dropped-out of school, and addicted to anything I could get my hands on.

The note above feels completely necessary in order to publish this. I hope it can help the reader understand I want to change the system that exists - not just talk about how great it was for me.

Everyone should be able to get help when they decide they want to. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case yet anywhere in the world (as far as I know). If you know of a system that accomplishes this goal, please let me know - I’d love to learn more.

On 14 November 2021, I began a project called Wellness DAO. The goal and intention of this project is to build a system of Community-Driven Wellness dedicated to normalizing Mental-Health Care and providing Resources to anyone, anywhere as a Public Good.

17 November 2021

I wrote the following post on 7 November 2021 and shared it on Instagram. On 12 November, I lost my friend Rowan to suicide. I found out the news on the 13th which coincided with my birthday. I’ve decided these thoughts needed to be shared as I believe my reading about my experiences may help someone out there learn something about themselves.

Therapy has saved my mental and physical health. If you’re thinking about finding treatment, you probably should seek it - and I think you won’t regret it.

Life is a roller coaster. You can’t a predict shit.

7 November 2021

I started going to therapy in February 2020 after my friend Mike passed from a fentanyl overdose. It was the last straw for my stability after losing Ryan to his own hand in 2016 and and Bijan at the hands of the two police in 2017.

I needed to talk to someone, because I couldn't handle these tragedies alone and it was too much to put on my friends, family and partner any longer. I had let my life spiral out of control, literally, from 2016 until I moved home in 2019. I had made progress by moving home, but that was not enough. Dealing with the loss of my friend’s 17-year-old brother to another fentanyl overdose and my grandfather passing were events I couldn’t have gotten through without therapy. I stopped going to this therapist at the end of November 2020.

I thought I was 'better', but as it turns out you can never escape death and tragedy, it is just a part of our mortality and the human experience. It’s something that comes along with this life.

Jared passed away in December from a fentanyl overdose and I had learned to process loss a bit better at this point...or so I thought. March rolled around and I got some really tragic news about a friend who I had worked with and again - I needed help.

I started seeing a new therapist in May 2021. I was also about to graduate and that fact alone was stressing me out. I needed help again. When one of my last roommates from Richmond, Andre, passed away from complications of diabetes in July, I was grateful I went back to therapy. (Andre’s funeral was also the last time I saw Rowan.) Now, I don't think I'm ever going to stop. These therapists are really the only doctor that I have gone to consistently since going to college in 2013.

We need to normalize Mental-Health Care as Health Care.

We need to de-stigmatize talking to an unbiased person about our problems. From my experiences, I think it's the most helpful thing you could do if you're struggling. Why? Because sometimes someone who doesn't know you at all will be able to tell what you need to know better than you, your friends, or family.

Therapy helped me learn to take control of my own actions, so that I could handle this roller coaster that is life just a little bit better. It helped me begin to reconnect with friends and family. It has also helped me stay clean for almost 25 months now.

If you think you should get help, please do. If you're curious about any of this, hit me up.

LOVE ❤️

Josh