Yes, I’m jealous and that’s ok.
I see someone else’s success through the lens of what I think are my own failures.
It’s humbling and it hurts. It makes you question your own decisions and the path you’re on.
It becomes hard to regulate your self worth when it’s become so entrenched in view counts, where you live, sales, balances and praise.
While none of these are inherently bad. I’ve realised it can become dangerous when your value as an individual is reliant on external validation.
If I have less views, less followers, a smaller home, that must mean I’m worth less right?
Wrong.
I think this way of thinking is a habit that formed early into my teens, when I’d begin comparing material possessions I did or didn’t have with my peers.
If they had something I didn’t have, that would make me sad. It would make me feel like I wasn’t deserving of whatever the thing was.
I’d experience the same feeling when I’d see someone else make a sporting team that I wasn’t selected in.
It would hurt my confidence and knock me down a level.
The same goes for applying for jobs.
I recently graduated from university and have been applying for a tonne of roles, none of which I’ve been accepted into.
Hearing no after no is hard. Even for entry level roles your ego thinks you’re way too qualified for can really start messing with your head.
The comparison trap is an ugly illusion I often find myself hypnotised by and since it’s like one of those bendy mirrors — the distortion can often amplify the pros and downplay the cons of whoever’s life I’m looking at.
However, when I break beyond the illusion and genuinely ask myself would I trade everything in my life for everything in someone else’s (cons included), the answer I keep coming back to is no.
Im grateful for my challenges, my experiences and my journey. Although life can be extremely challenging and confusing, I’ve realised we’re all on our own paths with their own difficulties.
Finding the security from within has been one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life so far. Especially in today’s world where everything is measured in likes and views, I can only imagine what some other people might be experiencing.
However, as I begin to love myself more and more for who I am. The more I realise the irrelevance of outside opinions on how I decide to live my life.
As long as I know deep down I’m acting from my heart and from a place of love. I’ll be alright.
Thank you for another day.