this is a collection of poems i’ve written that have been inspired by being non binary + queer. the images I created using DALL·E pull from the theme that we are apart of so much more than the body we occupy.

i’ll be using the funds from the sale of this collection to help cover the costs associated with my top surgery. i am also accepting any donation amount (lanadingwall.eth or paypal lana@lanadingwall.com) + will send a POAP as a token of appreciation.

- thank you for being here

forever yours

once in harmonious unison

we became strangers

did I cage you

or did you cage me?

you started out as home

connected in adventure + play

and then one day

I resented you

for not being who I wanted you to be

I neglected you

wanting to disconnect from the shame I felt within us

estranged we became

I thought you made me someone I didn't want to be

I pushed you away

shut you out

nothing you ever did was good enough

even though it was always more than enough

thank you for being the strong one

I’m sorry it took me so long to come back to you

to honour your strength

your courage

to acknowledge your pain

how you also suffered

now I realize

we didn’t cage each other

the world caged us

now I realize our love

is an act of defiance

I liberate you, you heal me

you liberate me, I heal you

to my dear body

you are mine + I am yours

I will never again let the world divide us

                - forever yours in devotion + appreciation

spinning rock

how can someone made from the remnants of stars

so beautiful, complex and vibrant

a kaleidoscope of facets, stories + experiences

alive + always changing

growing + evolving

a genuine piece of the expanding universe

be summed up into a series of words so small + defined

constricted into something so narrow

as a stereotype, a job title, a gender, an age, a label

you are someone too bold, too vast, too powerful

to be defined by someone else’s limited imagination

because what you are my friend

is limitless, unimaginable brilliance

realized in living form

reclaiming love

when I confuse validation

for love

who do I become

in the pursuit of it?

how do I bend + contort

shape-shift + hide

betray myself

to stay inside their zone of comfort

how do I give up approval

for self-actualization

how do I reclaim myself

the parts left behind

how do I appreciate

the complexities that make up who I am

maybe it's realizing the cost

of validation + approval

are too expensive

when it comes at my expense

maybe its realizing

love will never require me

to leave myself behind

especially when I realize

how profound

being me truly is

how I lose out

how the world loses out

how love loses out

when I believe anything less

non-binary: a personal definition

I have the womb + body of my mother ⁣

and of my mothers mother⁣

people often tell me we are alike ⁣

how they can see them in me ⁣

I carry their wounds, their hopes + their dreams inside of me ⁣

I am the continued expression of them ⁣

⁣

I have the spirit + vigour of my father ⁣

and of my fathers father ⁣

people often tell me we are alike⁣

how they can see them in me ⁣

I carry their wounds, their hopes + their dreams inside of me ⁣

I am the continued expression of them⁣

⁣

I am two lines, two lineages⁣

that curve + intersect ⁣

where the one of my mother + her mother, my father + his father meet⁣

⁣

a circle that encompasses ⁣

the foundation of me ⁣

I am the incarnation of both ⁣

colliding, curving, coming together + apart ⁣

⁣

I am not one or the other⁣

I am all of them ⁣

and at the same time only me ⁣

⁣

my body + my spirit chose each other⁣

and I just needed to be reminded ⁣

that everything about me fits⁣

even though there is nothing to fit into⁣

I am two energies on a spectrum ⁣

curving + intersecting ⁣

infinitely⁣

an exploration of my thoughts on reincarnation, gender identity, humanity & ways in which those things intersect in my world

who were you before this life⁣

who did you love⁣

who did you harm⁣?

⁣I know you held power + I have a feeling it corrupted you ⁣

not in big ways ⁣

but in small ways that added up ⁣

⁣you did innovative things ⁣

and people admired you ⁣

and that admiration, power + success led you away from yourself ⁣

you wanted to be of service to others⁣

and ended up mostly serving yourself ⁣

⁣you chose a body that would give you power + privilege hoping to use it for good ⁣

and you did ⁣

and sometimes you didn’t ⁣

sometimes you really didn’t ⁣

you were missing the connection back to your ⁣

beautiful⁣

broken⁣

fractured -⁣

whole self ⁣

power+privilege can seduce us into giving up our humanity

to deny our need for community ⁣

our need for love⁣

kindness ⁣

warmth ⁣

softness ⁣

compassion ⁣

tenderness ⁣

a knowing that we need each other ⁣

that we are a collective ⁣

I struggle with this body ⁣

in this life ⁣

with my sense of identity ⁣

in a world that wants to define me⁣

⁣constantly confined within a gender that doesn't seem to fit ⁣

in a body that doesn't always feel mine⁣

⁣the struggle⁣

is how I ensure my connection back to my ⁣

beautiful⁣

broken⁣

fractured -⁣

whole self ⁣

⁣

it’s how I hold my power + privilege⁣

with deep acceptance of the responsibility that comes with it⁣

⁣in this lifetime I chose this body ⁣

⁣my struggle with it ⁣

is part of the spark I need ⁣

to light my power on fire ⁣

in a way that allows me to be inservice ⁣

through softness + tenderness⁣

by keeping not just myself warm⁣

but others as well⁣

to counter their words of hate

I spend my days in search of hope

in search of love

in search of meaning

and most days I find those in bounty

because they exist inside of me

and while I don’t know everything

I know who i am

and in knowing who I am

I know that only those that don’t,

would be so preoccupied with me

because I have something they don’t

the courage to be myself

without the need to wage war on anyone else

for the internet gurus

you talk about how we are all connected

that energy moves through us + we have the power to move it

that we are apart of this beautiful

expanding universe

yet you call me mentally ill

brainwashed

attention seeking

confused

don’t you realize terms + words cannot define me

that my power + who I am exists outside

of what language can comprehend

and the same is true for you

even though you might feel comfortable

within the blanket of what society says it means to be a man or a women

my desire to find my own space of comfort doesn’t make me ill - it makes me brave

we are all connected

energy does move through us + we do have the power to move it

we are apart of this beautiful expanding universe

and I’m sorry that somehow you can believe all of that to be true

yet cannot believe in us

luckily just like energy + the universe, we don’t need someone to believe we exist in order too - we just do

thank you for taking the time to read these words ✨

i’ll be using the funds from the sale of this collection to help cover the costs associated with my top surgery. i am also accepting any donation amount (lanadingwall.eth or paypal lana@lanadingwall.com) + will send a POAP as a token of appreciation.