The Oath - LOVERSE
0x813b
Draft

Read this as performance…rapid ideas entering the mind at once:

“In order to live, you must set yourself free.”

Anyway, I haven’t been allowing myself to be me. I feel like the real me has been buried and in this moment of presence, I’m free. I’m seeing who I want to be. The mask is off. So much of how I act where I don’t feel comfortable shouldn’t even be normal. I want to be comfortable in every interaction I have. Not comfortable negatively, but my brain operating on the frequency that I want it to. Not inhabited by any outside projections or my experience as a Black woman in this world.

This is about reclaiming who I am. This is about finding my humanity or actually lack thereof. I’ve been robbed of that. I’m creating how I want it to look for myself. Writing these stories and these characters are healing for me because as a girl I found solace in the escapist imaginative world of stories. Storytelling was so powerful for me to have time to brainstorm and think about who I want to be, or to process my feelings and my thoughts away from the colonial white world. It’s really about me stepping into this new future self. I say future as an adjective, and not necessarily literal, to say me in the future, but to also signify who I’ve fought to not attach my identity to from the POV of a colonialist mindset that is racist, colorist, heteronormative, etc. in the ‘white supremacist imperialist capitalist cis-hetero patriarchial world’ (bell hooks).

For so long I’ve learned about Black feminist writers and artists who have described this loneliness and depression. It’s something that you can only feel if you experience the mindfuck of intersectionality from being impacted by all of the aforementioned labels but no one cares. Destruction of one, let the dominoes topple to sever the link. To break the structure of the…

“white supremacist imperalist capitalist and cis-hetero-patriarchal world”

You are not a priority. You are not deserving of love. You don’t feel emotions. You are not beautiful. Beauty has asterisks. Not everyone applies. We are sexualized. We feel lusted after. I haven’t known what to say to most questions for years. You don’t know yourself. For other people, that’s just a part of growing up but for you…you really don’t know yourself. You don’t know yourself if you want to reclaim who you are. Who you’ve always been. Who you were born to be. But that was taken from you. You are a slave unconsciously. The physicality of chains doesn’t just end physically. There can never be reparations for not being granted life. For not being allowed to live in slavery and “not” in slavery. A “white supremacist imperialist capitalist and cis-hetero-patriarchal world” means that we are not alive. It means that we are enslaved. It means that I am not human, it means that I am not real. It’s the closest thing that has made sense to how I feel. It made me realize the void pit. A shared synchronicity of pain.

lu·cid·i·ty

I went to a talk in high school. Another moment that felt like a turning point of me realizing I don’t know who I am and the scary feeling of having chains on your identity or your life without realizing it. It’s like a Truman Show meets Black Mirror meets Atlanta moment but directed by Jordan Peele or Michaela Coel. This is a side note from the performance or maybe this is the performance. The act of writing to live freely and peel back more of the becoming of self. None of these intersections of identity are my burdens to feel and carry. Lakeith Stanfield’s character and all of the Black workers in Get Out who were in the sunken place and the characters of US feel very real. Intersectionality. Overlapping Interlocking Identities. Multiple Jeopardy - overlocking systems of oppression (Deborah S. King). The multitudes of darkness that come with being a Black woman and aware of intersectionality. Black feminism is a gift but it’s incredibly dark to carry. The incredibly empty and heavy side of awareness and enlightenment. Get Out reminds me of a brief visual depiction of how afro pessimism feels, of how a ‘white supremacist imperialist capitalist and cis-hetero-patriarchal world’ feels, and the absurdity of it all. Being in the sunken place is what’s marketed as a safe place. It’s the place where we’re allowed to live. It’s the place where we’re allowed humanity. All of it is synonymous with one thing…whiteness. I don’t want to be white. The horror of my whole existence being “safe” dependent on if I become white. That’s the sunken place and it’s something that only Black people universally experience. It’s why there is a POC at the Armitages and not an “ally”. Blackness has no allies as it stands. We are not made to exist. We are sentenced to die. Our life is a video game and it’s programmed that we die. This life is a video game. There’s no cheat code for blackness. I am not a person of color. I don’t have the luxury.

The only other people who unfortunately understand the phenomenon are Black trans women or Black non-binary people because now it is an additional third layer of intersectionality with race, sex, and gender. All three are not compatible with being allowed to live in the video game of life. Politicians trying to control if trans people are allowed to ‘be’ is tied to blackness. It feels like slave master’s avant-garde futurism of desirability. Pose ironically is a visual example both beautifully and tragically. It showcases the unhuman feeling that I’m describing. Candy, a dark skin Black trans woman murdered on screen by a white man is what life is programmed to be. I don’t relate to a lot. I’m unimpressed a lot. I am detached a lot. Surviving a ‘white supremacist imperialist capitalist and cis-hetero-patriarchal world’…Intersectionality. When you can feel every single word. You don’t make the cut of desirability. You aren’t trying to be conventional. You are trying to sell your soul. You are not becoming white. It’s not normal. Why do we all as Black people universally know what the sunken place means? We live in a Jordan Peele movie. A performance of fiction. I am Get Out. Get Out was resonated with by almost every Black person and even some of the Black people in the sunken place. It was a collective Men In Black camera flash. It’s hilarious and dark that we all felt Get Out on the level that we did. Watching Get Out in theaters is performance art. Jordan Peele films are performance art. It feels like Black Mirror but for Black people. An excerpt of whiteness in destruction is put on visual display in Get Out. It’s a flipped sunken place.

“Blackness, that fixity, that hole, is everywhere and always the same. The only way to cure the condition of slavery that ails Black people, he says, is “the end of the world” (frank b wilderson).

“To be African American is to be African without any memory and American without any privilege” (James Baldwin).

I understand the varying depictions of theory from theorists. The nothingness of answers. But it makes me feel heavy. There was often a place of small shared understanding and a place where I’ve always believed and known I was beautiful. Where I’m desired. Where I’m loved. Where I’m completely visible. Where I’m not extracted from. I’ve only felt that by a random assortment of experiences that either triggered it or cultivated it. A lot of people say life just feels so different now. It feels like being gaslit every day. Intersectionality. Life has always felt like this for a lot of differing groups. Labeling myself feels sick. It feels like a sunken place. It feels like it’s been colonized. It feels like another victim. It’s a programmed video game. I am an alien. I am not human. Being human brings me pain, being human makes Afro-Pessimism ok. It makes blackness mean death. It means that I’m dead. I’m not real. I’m a vessel of ancestral flesh and deep-rooted intersectionality running through my veins. These are my keys. This is my freedom. I am extraordinary. I never wanted to feel the mirrored intersectionality. That’s why I am the future. I am my own planet. I am my own world. I am my own universe. I only see those who see me. That’s my family, my close circle, the black LGBTQIA community, and the ones that get it. It’s genius to choose yourself. It’s genius to detach from whiteness. It’s genius to be free. But it’s expensive to carry. Intersectionality is expensive.

I’m grateful for the shared synchronicity and ancestral connection I feel with Black feminist writers and artists. If you can feel all aspects of the ‘white supremacist imperialist capitalist and cis-hetero-patriarchal world’ in your life then you know this, but we shouldn’t have that shared connection. We shouldn’t have that commonality of culture. It’s violent that we have that commonality of culture. It’s white supremacy. I am grateful for the spaces I’ve felt safe and on an entirely different planet away from the zombies and parasites of the game that is the ‘white supremacist imperialist capitalist and cis-hetero-patriarchy’. I’m overstimulated by whiteness. It is a radical act to be a Black woman and a writer. It is a heavyweight but a divine blessing. Many Black women artists and writers have moved me. I feel an ancestral sisterhood. It’s a divine blessing, but it’s often been heavy and we don’t deserve heaviness. Our connection shouldn’t be tied to interlocking intersections of invisibility, pain, non-humanity, non luxury, the non ruling class, and everything that is rooted in lack of desirability. All insecurities I’ve ever had, people look at me like I’m blind. I only saw them. I embodied them. It was written into my character and into my life that you are simultaneously desirable but not desirable. A lot of projections and assigned traits fit into that box of race, gender, and sex. I don’t go by colonial whiteness design. I am ancestry. I am culture. I am divine. I am a threat to order. I am not the standard. I am real. I am a vanguard. I am the future. I am the new school. I am superhuman. We are studied. We are not human. Black people are the blueprint for everything. Black people were the blueprint for X-Men. If you can feel every layer of intersectionality it’s like the X-men. I am dangerous. Who said I was dangerous? Who put me in that box? What happens if I step outside of that box? What happens if I go ‘rogue’? I am mystique. I am not on the menu. I am exquisite. I am on display. I am stolen from. I am not desired. I am fetishized. I am desired. I am visible. I am not visible.

LOVERSE is like an elixir of freedom and therapy. Creating my own world is choosing myself. Writing is creating myself. This is the start of that. Sometimes it’s easier to be heard through art. The places that don’t feel free as a re-directive guide to freedom. All of this is performance art and deprogramming work that feels like constant enlightenment. These worlds are the building blocks on and off-chain to my new planet. I don’t want to bear the burdens of intersectionality. I want to honor my ancestry. It is a disservice to go against my truth. It is a disservice to my words, my imaginations, my dreams, my wisdom, and my future being colonized. Art is a spiritual act. Writing & film are spiritual. I felt called to storytelling. I never could answer some questions. I want to imagine beyond the video game. I want to explore my wildest desires. This is my video game. The other is an abusive, racist ‘white supremacist imperalist capitalist and cis-hetero patriarchal’ (WSICACHP) void and it’s lame. You can’t escape it but you know you don’t want to be there. You know we are being sold lies. You know abolition is the only way. It’s like casinos but in real life. Whoever made casinos just took WSICACHP and put it into a place physically. They made an entertainment business and promised the American dream in a place. Sunken place. It exists everywhere. Every day the sunken place is aggressively being shoved at our throats or death. This is a new option. I’m building it. I’m living it. I'm not attaching my life to my universe, but me making this work and being able to reconnect to myself to unlock this work is what the universe is. It is a catalyst of awakening. It is what stories have always been for me. It is a place that honors imagination. That honors desires. That honors authenticity. That honors intentionality. That honors Black lgtbq+ as the life force. That honors those at the intersectionality of everything as vanguards. The X Men. The often replicated and never duplicated. Welcome to LOVERSE. I’m learning and dreaming and imagining it as I go. The sheer fact that I am, can, and will is honoring my ancestors, where I come from, who I am, Black feminist writers and artists, the small synchronicity of people I share space with who remind me of who I am, and the vast space I have to be whoever I want to be. A lot of people talk about taking risks and being free, but I’ve only ever felt it from a small few. That is beautiful and painful. I’m grateful for the duality, it makes me feel alive. It’s what I want life to be. It is bliss. It is a shared burden of survival. It isn’t lonely. It isn’t a vacuum of loneliness. It isn’t a reminder of desirability. I’m just me. Few understand.

Listen and Absorb:

On loverse I am alive. I am an alien but I am not an alien. I am not an American, I am rewriting the game while still in the current timeline. I am making my own game. I dream, I imagine, I traverse time, I travel across dimensions, I am future, I am culture, I am past, I am present, I am a vanguard, I am a creator, I am a leader, I am an alchemist, I am a builder, I am… We do not speak the same language. You will lose this game if you adhere to the ‘white supremacist imperialist capitalist and cis-hetero patriarchy’. Writings in different dimensions. Consciously, this is not earth. At least not earth as it presently remains. There has been a new renaissance of Black artists for some time now and it’s future work, it’s transcendental, it’s spiritual, it’s dimensional, it’s a synchronicity that can never be bought or sold or imitated. It is freedom. Black writers and other Black artists from the past have contributed to this moment. It’s history, it’s ancestral, it’s spiritual, it is my privilege, it is my honor, it is my reclamation, it is my salvation, it is my darkness, it is my light, it is my mirror, it is my void to block out all other frequencies and survive and live and thrive in the evils of the ‘white supremacist imperialist capitalist and cis-hetero-patriarchal world’. It is my drive. Making LOVERSE helped me connect back to myself. Helped free me. Helped me put the puzzle pieces back together. Helped me discover an outlet amidst the growing pains. Helped me listen and understand guidance previously not understood or ever said in spaces I felt safe. Helped me ‘be’ so I can fully step into living. Leaving the maze into all I’m meant to be. Extraterrestrially. In this game, you are invisible to me and you are not desirable to me if you align with the evils of everything that doesn't allow for the existence of LOVERSE. That doesn't allow for the questioning of reality. That doesn't question desirability. That doesn't question your wants. That doesn't question your needs. That doesn’t question the imagination and falsehood that is everything in the video game of the ‘white supremacist imperialist capitalist and cis-hetero-patriarchy’. It’s boring. It’s damaging. It’s poisonous. It is death. To you this may be a character, it may be a brand, but it is just me doing what’s necessary to be authentically free and deciphering the never ending puzzle. I’d rather that be a movement. Choose your character.

FOREWORD

Who have you always wanted to be? There will be chaos to lead you there. If you find your character, the game really begins. You are contending with the game of ‘white supremacist imperialist capitalist and cis-hetero patriarchy’ we never signed up to be inserted into and building a better game, a better world, a better us all at the same time. Cycles of mental, physical, and spiritual ascension and fulfillment and expression and discovery. Representation politics do not exist here. Stories are created with all of this in mind. It’s me. Lo operates the ship. Protecting my creative mind. Protecting my artistic voice and honoring that journey as a writer is sacred to me. The universe begins with the stories I’ve been growing inside of me for the past 21 years to get to this point. To heal me. To detach me. To experience. To live. To fall apart. To cry. To fight. To grieve. To everything from far in between, I landed on these stories. I am not a category. I am not a brand. I am a writer. I am an artist. I am me. This is the season of life and rebirth. Origins of LOVERSE. Origins of Lomedia. Origins of me. Welcome to the future. Welcome to culture. Welcome to my planet.

Welcome to vanguards. Welcome to the desired. Welcome to the bubble. Welcome to the blueprint. Welcome to restoration.

Welcome to a world of co-creation + ideation + enlightenment + ascension. I don’t have the mental capacity for a lot of people. This is purely about wavelength and intent. I wanna work with you <> you wanna work with me. You wanna talk to me <> I wanna talk to you. You want to support me <> I welcome the support. Mutual reciprocity rooted in intent. You either get it or you don’t. It’s not my job to convince you. My art does not exist to serve that purpose. It is what it is to me first and foremost, and that in itself will serve as a testament to real worldbuilding and impact and longevity. It makes me sad thinking of work that is celebrated or praised once these artists are gone like Octavia E. Butler. I know I am the future. I know we are vanguards. I feel the immense dual weight every day. I do not need an audience. I am a living performance. I am mysticism. I am cosmic. I am extraterrestrial. I am me. LOVERSE is already in alignment with people who remind me of this feeling. Collabs are already in progress that’ll exist in this world. I can envision more I want to dream with, have support from, work with, and whoever discovers or accepts the calling will be granted entry. Culture is sacred to me, it is not to be mocked with, it is not to be over-complex, it is not to be understood by everyone, and it is not to be replicated. I am not hyper-financialized. Tiers of access depend on being real and wants/desires. Financed through crowdfunds, sponsors, opportunities, experiences, collaborations, partnerships, events, and the list goes on. If you buy something that doesn’t just mean you have access to special things. It’s larger than that. It’s up to your desire and your intent if you want to read my work, buy my work, ascend with my tribe <> cultivate community relations, support me, or be on my team. If you were given the chance, what would you do? What character would you play? How would you design your character? Who are you? Figure out your character and then you’ll know how you fit into LOVERSE. This requires real communication, heart work, knowing yourself, risks, and intentionality. ‘Do you y’all feel me? Really?’ It seems radical but so much of simple human coordination, wants, desires, needs, and imagination has been stunted by the ‘white supremacist imperialist capitalist and cis-hetero-patriarchal world’. It’s up to you, there is no forcing of energy here.

  1. Restoration - sci-fi drama short exploring grief in a near-future society.

  2. The Blueprint - experimental short dealing with a summer internship, identity, tech, and transhumanism as it pertains to beauty and culture as a profitable market.

  3. The Bubble - A blossoming of age feature film exploring the weight of intergenerational effects, family, greed, elitism, indoctrination, and youth all told in 3 absurd chapters.

  4. The Desire(d) - An anthology series where love is a priority by any means necessary. For the hopeless, welcome to the retreat of desirability where no one leaves the same and everyone is dragged.

  5. Vanguards - a series of psychedelic realities spanning multiple dimensions following a youthful crew. “Leaders of the new school. They ain’t want to let us in but they had to”

If aligned, join my planet. join my wavelength. Join my state of being. Join my team. Join my freedom. Join my joy. Join my stimulation. Join my vision-making. Join my worldbuilding. Join my world. That’s a community to me. Not a buzzword. It reminds me to be alive. It reminds me of who I am. It’s led me here. It’s found me familial bonds. It’s freed me. It’s spiritual. It’s magic. It’s vision-making. It’s creation. It’s exploration. It’s ideation. It’s experimentation. It’s imagination. It’s sacred. It’s mine. It’s decolonized. It's ancestral. It’s superhuman. It’s alien. It mystique. It's a renaissance. It is everything. It is culture. It is history. It is grounding. It is healing. It is transformative. It is enlightenment. It is vulnerable. It is authentic. It is real. It is alchemy. It is love. This is loverse.

The duality in feeling. Past. Present. Future. Affirmations. Ancestral guidance. When it isn’t fun for me I won’t do this. Art is how I discover myself. Art is otherworldly. It’s my brain. It’s my passion. It’s my origin. It’s in everything. It is everything. It’s expansive. It’s multifaceted. It is free. I feel energetically moved. If artists of the past had access to technology of this regard, what would that bring them mentally and physically? Music is ancestral. It is energy. Me choosing myself to the maximum level of all my desires, my wants, my curiosities, and my passions helps me become the best artist I want to be. Honoring myself means honoring my art. Honoring my art means honoring myself. Honoring my ancestors. Honoring who I am. Honoring who I was raised to be. Honoring who I have chosen to become. Honoring who I’m discovering to be. Honoring who I’m blossoming to be. Honoring who I’m healing to be. That’s lomedia. That’s LOVERSE. That’s V01D. That’s Maxiverse. That’s Project FILO. That’s all my being. That’s all my ecosystems and interconnection of life into one. The divinity of my path. The space to be all who I need to be and who I dream to be. The healing. The patience of the healing journey. The support. The love. The fluidity. The lessons. The cosmic chaos. The cosmic intimacy. The cosmic reality.

The radicalization of self that comes with being actively pursued superficially while actively rendered invisible, yet stolen from and commodified from. Emotional-less. Undesirable. It’s future. It’s renaissance. It’s culture. It’s ancestral. It’s spiritual. It’s IYKYK. It’s felt not explained. It’s heavy. It’s lonely. It’s beautiful. It’s vulnerable. It’s new. It’s expansive. It’s awakening. It’s daunting. It’s refreshing. It’s haunting. It’s performance. It’s dark. Its levels of hilarity only a few understand. It’s commanding presence. It’s hypnotic. It’s surrender. It’s painfully comedic. It’s ironic. It's rewarding. It’s infinite.

Deep connection with black womanhood. The other. The expressive. The beyond human. The importance of honoring yourself and who you want to be and dealing with that heavily mirrored void of intersectionality. Standing firm on who you want to be and not what society boxes or categorizes you into is a revival. It is abolition. It is a reminder that not for one second to live by restraints in this world defined by the status quo. I simply want to live. Truly live. Exploration, self-discovery, adventuring, creating, transmuting, building, healing, storytelling, helping, traveling, loving. Lyricism. Visual alchemy. Vehicle of performance, experiences, lyricism, growth, ascension, and impact.

I turn heads. I’m not what's conventional. I’m not the standard. I’m not boring. I am me and I’ll forever reclaim that to remind myself who I am. To uncover all that I’m meant to be. To step into all that I bring. I am everything. ** **

I am extracted from.

I am invisible yet visible.

I never gave consent of this occurring.

I am culture. Vanguards. Aliens to humanity. Colonialism, capitalism, cis-hetero patriarchy, and imperialism all make humanity synonymous with whiteness. I am not human. I am not given humanity.

“white supremacist imperalist capitalist and cis-hetero-patriarchal world.” The root of everything. Making the complex clear. Death to the old, birth to the new. What does this new world look like? How do you cultivate freedom? What are your traditions of life? This is expansion. These are dreams. These are frustrations. This is anger. This is love. This is tears. This is rewiring. This is absurd. This is performance. This is an era of life. This is a journey. These are my visions outside of the multiple jeopardy, my thought processes, remediations on human behavior/cause + effects of a said world that bell hooks used to describe quite literally everything. It’s all a part of my life path, the stories I’ve accumulated, people I’ve witnessed, living life, navigating life amongst peers, and the curiosities of knowledge piqued so far. My invisible yet visible presence.

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