INTRO. This series is called I AM A F*CKING ARTIST! Me, chasing a dream that seemed so out of reach, that for the longest time, I didn't even bother. The struggle of becoming, finding my tribe, paying my dues, and giving respect to the OGs before me. While a picture is worth a thousand words, sometimes it's not enough. A series of short essays accompanies the beautifully crafted pieces. Me conceptualizing and making sense of what I was going through. A glimpse under the hood. What began with one physical painting evolved over six years into this series of 27 digital pieces complemented by 13 essays. It wasn’t planned; it became what it is.

I. ORIGINS I haven't yet introduced myself. My name is Michal Moravčík. I was born in 1980 in Ilmenau, Germany, and currently reside with my family in Bratislava, Slovakia. Since 2011, I have had my own creative studio, IMGS. I have lived, worked, and/or studied in Slovakia, the Czech Republic, Germany, and the USA. In my past lives, I worked in advertising, marketing, and sales. The origins of my dreams, artistic aspirations, inspirations, and intuitions remain a mystery to me. It doesn't matter where they come from. What matters is acting upon them.

*Halušky pronounced /ha-lush-kɪ/

1. Traditional Slovak Cuisine: Halušky are boiled lumps of potato dough resembling gnocchi, typically served with bryndza, a type of sheep cheese.

2. Slang: In slang, "halušky" refers to hallucinations or visuals.

II. LIFE The story of me becoming an artist was far from straightforward. I did everything to avoid the inevitable work. I lacked education, skill, will, discipline, persistence, and trust. Or so I thought. That was it. My dream shattered into a million little pieces. Years later I came to the realization, that it is not a matter of me dreaming, wishing, and wanting anymore, but a question of me staying sane, possibly alive. Resisting my aspirations for such a long time gave me an innate understanding of how bad and ugly life can get. My world became a wasteland, my life empty and meaningless while witnessing my own disintegration. My heart filled with pain, grief, regret, envy, and anger. Answering Life's call propelled me on a path of meaningful exploration that put me back on track and my ♡ at peace.

III. WORK This series is my work. I vividly remember moments when something I have to do hits me. I instinctively know. Without warning, out of the blue, it enters my awareness. Just a glimpse in front of my mind's eye. I can neither force nor control it. It is a gift from the Muse. My job is straightforward. Bring it to life. The work feels like reverse engineering, gradually revealing itself as I progress. As if it already exists in the realm of potential, and I have to pull it out and recreate it through trial and error until it feels just right. What at first glance seems to be a simple creative endeavor is in reality a diverse and complex workload laid out on multiple dimensions simultaneously. Just like in life, there's more depth to work than apparent at first sight. When we seriously get to work, a small, yet significant shift happens. Things start to move.

IV. TRANSFORMATION Pushing myself to create this series forced necessary changes in my life. My lifestyle, unsustainable and frankly destructive, demanded change. I had to draw a line. Each piece held a revelation, illuminating a fragment of my past. The process wasn't just artistic, it was deeply personal. The transformation I underwent is the essence of this journey. Transformation of the self is a deep, spiritual experience. Yet, there is nothing glorious about the repetitive, boring, mundane everyday hard work. Mostly uncomfortable, pushing us out of our comfort zone, rising above our selfish narcissistic egos. Transformation is the process of change, and it takes a long time. At its core are everyday actions repeated over long periods. The shift doesn't happen suddenly, but gradually in tiny increments.

Change is one hard motherfucker. We resist it, we fight it with everything we have. Our very identity is threatened. The U.S. Marine Corps has a saying: “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.” Yet, something has to die in this process.

V. EGO I initially made this piece for my son Hugo, then 4 years old. He drove me nuts. Disobedient, provocative, crazy, loud, and messy. Angry, touchy, and offensive. He knew precisely which buttons to push. After years, I finally got the lesson. My son is exactly like me. This realization is terrifying and liberating. Making myself more or less do the work over the past decade, I thought that I had myself mostly figured out. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is no finish line. And that is terrifying. Looking that close at myself is not a pleasant experience. I am as guilty as the next person. Provocative, touchy, angry, and offensive. Inconsistent and lacking discipline. Disobedient. Not listening to the quiet voice inside me now and then. Postponing things that matter most. Like finishing this piece, which in the end, I made for myself. Now I know what to work on. And that, on the other side, is liberating.

Thank you, Hugo.

VI. FAILURE Failure is inevitable. There is no good story without it. Listing just a fraction of my many failures would make this too long to read. Taking one step forward and falling back two, falling countless times, getting up, and starting over again. Ad nauseam. Literally to the point of getting sick. I won't sugarcoat it. Failure sucks. It leaves you feeling miserable, empty, and weak. The only way out of the misery is doing the work. Nothing else will take you there. There is no shortcut. It does not exist. It is hard to do the work. That is why we're avoiding it. We are pulled in two opposite directions. Part of us wants to do it, the other doesn't. This dichotomy is symbolically represented as the eternal battle between Good and Evil. The battle is psychological, and it’s happening inside. This struggle is at the core of everyone's life. We have to find a way to get ourselves to do the work. Anything will do.

VII. BIRTH Birth, also known as delivery, marks the end of a pregnancy. We can think of birth as a metaphor for bringing something new into the physical world and pregnancy as a period of waiting during which it develops and matures. In the context of this piece, the new is something inside, waiting for you to bring it forth into the realm of blood and flesh. A gift only you can give birth to.

There is no birth of consciousness without pain. Carl G. Jung

Giving birth is painful even without complications. And complications there are. The most difficult part comes just before the birth. The dark night of the soul. No hope, no strength left inside. Angry, empty, desperate, sick of it all, on the verge of giving up. Now is the time of surrender. Pushing the baby out is hard work. Pain is still there, but now there is a direction to the effort. With new life insight comes hope. And then it hits you. You did it. A powerful chemical cocktail floods your system. In astonishment, you realize how much you underestimated yourself. You recognize how strong, brave, and courageous you are. The feeling is hard to express in words. It is a mix of relief, pride, accomplishment, excitement, hope, and joy. This time you've made it. And finally, there is the postnatal period, when you integrate and move forward.

VIII. SUCCESS I was impressed when I learned that Rothko's painting No. 6 (Violet, Green and Red) sold for a stunning $186 million, ranking 7th on the list of the most expensive paintings. I then learned that Rothko, suffering from extreme depression and many years of alcohol abuse, committed suicide in his New York studio, where he moved after he and his wife separated. He overdosed on barbiturates and cut an artery in his arm, leaving no suicide note. He was 66. Rothko's estranged wife Mell, also a heavy drinker, died six months after him at the age of 48.

Made me think and reflect. Redefine what success means to me. Having struggled with multiple addictions, I know the Realms of the Hungry Ghosts too well. Facing my demons, taming them, and finally making it out on the other side enables me to live Life on my terms now. This foundation, a loving family by my side, the freedom to create and see things through, is enough.

Yeah, that's all good and nice. But what about money, fame, and recognition? Maybe even inspiring others and leaving a legacy. Let's not get carried away and keep things realistic. These are more or less tempting outcomes to fantasize about. If they come, they come. I deal with them then.

IX. VALUE Of all the written pieces, this is the one I struggled the most with. I wrote, rewrote, and deleted multiple versions, each with a different take on value. Nothing felt quite right. With a deadline approaching, I leave you with this: Value, in its essence, refers to the worth of something. Despite my tendency to view value through a monetary lens, what I gained from this experience, as cliché as it sounds, is priceless. This work has proven to be highly rewarding. Life is good. I like what I see in the mirror. Most importantly, it doesn't haunt me anymore. It is done. Was it worth it? I asked myself this question a million times while making this series. Now I know the answer. Value is subjective and varies from person to person. How you perceive my work is for you to decide. If it hits, it hits.

The price I ask for each 1/1/27 piece in this series is 0.37Ξ. I am keeping four pieces myself and setting aside one piece for a raffle.

X. FUTURE For full disclosure, I have used emerging technologies, to create this series. I ran into various obstacles while creating, eventually hitting my limits, which led me to explore uncharted creative territory. Here is where AI, blockchain, and LLMs came in. They helped me solve problems I encountered. I wanted my self-portrait to look as if Van Gogh painted it, so I applied his painting style to my portrait using style transfer. Then I used various software to edit and refine my work. LLMs helped me with editing, rephrasing, and bringing clarity to my writing. Blockchain solved the problems of digital ownership and digital provenance. It enables one to own, sell, and transfer digital files while keeping an immutable public record of it. In essence, this is what these pieces are. Digital files: jpegs, MP4s, and gifs. Contemporary canvases. All digital files in this series are minted on the Ethereum blockchain. The future is already here.

Contract Address: 0x36e6e58cc917909c5d249e5a4fbab0fc18b582d5, Token Standard: ERC-721, Chain: Ethereum

XI. LEGACY My grandfather passed away a few days before his 99th birthday. Always curious, he agreed to a photo shoot at the ripe age of 97. Being a gentleman from the old school, he dressed in his best suit. He owned it. This portrait will forever remind me of that special day a few years back. He showed me the benefits of daily exercise and cold showers long before Wim Hof became trending. His lifelong work ethic and discipline laid the foundation, that enables me to do what I do today. Having regrets about not going to university more than 7 decades ago, he also gave me the courage and strength to pursue what I really feel pulled to. That is his legacy. And for that, I will be forever grateful. Thank you.

R.I.P. Stefan Moravčík 23.4.1921 – 21.04.2020

XII. PLAY All my previous attempts to make art over the years, while crucial and necessary, were simply not good enough. I thought, I tried hard, but I wasn't. I was just fucking around without intent, lacking any serious commitment and dedication. Not putting in the necessary time, work, and ♡. All these attempts were futile gestures. I knew the truth. I didn't meet the standards. I was an amateur.

This is a bold statement I don't make lightly. Being an artist is a serious business. This piece has a physical counterpart that has started it all. I vividly remember the moment when the Muse gifted me the piece. I was on my way to the studio after an early morning yoga lesson back in 2018. It is a 1x1m alloy plate with colorful letter stickers forming the word PLAY!  Its Title: WHAT IS ON THE OTHER SIDE?

Technique: Mixed media Weight: 13kg/28.66pounds Dimensions: 1x1m/3.28x3.28ft

XIII. ARTIST There is a famous Zen proverb that rings too true to ignore. Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.

So what is on the other side then? I am and more work is.

I didn't pursue this journey out of passion. I did it because running away from it was killing me. I had to do it and I did it for myself. Only I know what it took, to do the work. The never-ending grind, struggle, and uncertainty. What I had to face, overcome, accept, integrate, rectify, and sacrifice. It is hard to fully grasp and understand the significance of this journey. It is deeply individual and must be experienced firsthand. It is this universal adventure that ultimately gives meaning to Life.

I am an Artist. An outsider in the art world. A combination of Banksy and Van Gogh. Nobody knows who I am, and I never sold a piece of my art. But unlike Van Gogh’s, my ♡ is still pounding.

OUTRO. This Life came dangerously close to never happening. Maca without you this would not be possible. This is for you. Thank you. I would also like to thank my family and friends for their ongoing help and support. Dedicated to God called Necessity.

Michal Moravčík, Bratislava, 17.06.2024.