After weeks of testing and two surgeries (IV port placement and biopsy), I was diagnosed with stage two lymphoma. The treatment is chemotherapy — every other week for the next six months. I have a very good prognosis. I feel very blessed and ready to continue this journey.
By now, I’ve gone through two chemotherapy sessions. Chemotherapy is difficult. I have it every other week on Mondays; side effects are in full swing for about four days, then I start feeling better around Friday. By Sunday, so far, I’ve almost fully recovered. Then a week goes by, and it all starts over again.
Side effects include nausea, headaches, fatigue, hair loss, constipation, rashes, dry skin, and general body aches. So far, I’ve been lucky, and they’re not unbearable; the most intense side effect is fatigue, and the remedy for that is easy, I just have to lay down.
After the difficult week, I keep thinking I’m back to normal, but I’ve had to redefine the word. Normal is different — I’ve had to learn to adjust and get used to not being myself. Frustration arises often; I was able to do so much more than I can do now. But I get tired quickly, even on the good weeks, and I just need to accept the current reality, let go of the mental tension and dissipate my attachment to my past self. The best way to let go of that tension has been to recognize my flaws and incorporate the newly gained perspective that my illness has gifted me.
This journey has awakened something in me. I desperately desire to push myself more; I look back at my past self and wonder why I wasted so much time. A few months ago, way before I had any clue I would find myself in this situation, I read a post by Meagan Loyst that reflected on a car accident; her words stuck with me for weeks:
There’s a sense of urgency in everything I do now that’s hard to fully comprehend – to move up in life, to make an impact, to fall in love, to be taken seriously, to be kind. I have so many ideas and things I want to do and accomplish, but not enough time. I don’t think there will ever be enough time.
I have those same urges, but my journey is just beginning, and I recognize that I have to fight to regain my health before I can fulfill all the dreams that constantly ruminate in my mind.
With love and gratitude,
Thank you for reading my post. I will keep myself accountable throughout my journey by posting updates on this account. You can reach me through DM on Twitter. And subscribe to receive updates directly to your inbox.