📝 Company: The Internet’s Bureau of Truth Management™
📍 Location: Your Mom’s Basement (Remote)
💰 Salary: Zero dollars, but unlimited dopamine hits from false superiority
⏳ Hours: 24/7 Vigilance (Mandatory)

Job Description

Are you a deeply insecure individual with a relentless need to control narratives? Do you dream of a career in investigative journalism but lack the credibility, ethics, or talent? Then we have the perfect unpaid position for you!

As a Discreditation Specialist, you’ll work tirelessly to scour Mark Havens' posts, articles, and case studies across multiple platforms, desperately searching for anything that can be twisted, flagged, or misrepresented.

Key Responsibilities

✅ Obsession Required: Regularly refresh his Substack, Medium, Facebook, and Linktree in the hopes that this time you’ll find something truly damning.
✅ Creative Outrage Generation: Manufacture new ways to be offended by words that were never about you (until you made them about you).
✅ Flagging & Reporting: Selectively enforce Terms of Service violations that you yourself probably commit on a regular basis.
✅ Historical Revisionism: If past posts contradict your narrative, simply pretend they never existed. If necessary, gaslight the author about his own words.
✅ Threaten Legal Action (Without Understanding How Law Works): Send vague, ominous DMs about “papers being filed” and “consequences coming.” Bonus points if you use “we” instead of “I” to imply an invisible army of supporters.
✅ Accuse, But Never Engage in Debate: Remember, your job is not to win arguments—it’s to create the illusion of scandal!

Required Qualifications

❌ No actual critical thinking skills necessary
❌ Must have a personal vendetta against facts
❌ Experience in projection, DARVO, and playing the victim preferred
❌ Proven ability to lose debates but still insist you’ve won
❌ Ability to say “You’re obsessed with me” while simultaneously monitoring everything Mark does

Compensation & Benefits

💵 Salary: None. Not a single cent. In fact, you will be increasing Mark’s visibility for free.
📈 Career Growth: Absolutely none, unless you count the dopamine rush from getting a single comment liked by another bitter, self-important contrarian.
🤡 Job Perks:

• The illusion of control.

• A sense of self-importance that will collapse in on itself like a dying star.

• The fleeting satisfaction of pressing “Report” on a post that will ultimately remain standing.

• Knowing deep down that you’ve dedicated your time to helping the very person you wish to destroy.

How to Apply

Just keep doing what you’re doing, Joel. You’re already overqualified.

🔥🔥🔥

Activity Log:

• First published on Substack on 2/17/2025 — original ink

• Imported from Substack due to deplatforming attempt on 2/28/2025