Dear Reader,

I have been putting off doing this for so long as putting this year down in a time capsule seems like an ambitious task. For this year has been one long lost craving after another, the stories of yearning and longing. A relentless missing. It’s hard to believe that it’s only been a year since the last time I penned something like this, while it’ll also be callous to imply that the year passed away too soon. I can go with the pattern of how these things go and talk about how the year was tough and each day in its wake was harder than the last one, but I think we’ve had one too many of them. Neither do I think that any of my words would ever be able to encompass the gravity of the grief this year carries on its back. Instead, I’ll just say that having you guys around helped me breathe a little bit easier. (I am not talking to cigarettes, I promise) Thank You!

This publication came into being from hundreds of weekly music suggestions, soon carrying with them what seemed like unedited pages from my non-existent journal - a reflection of me better than I could ever express in person. The name took form during a conversation I had with Rea (Thanks!) way past midnight.

The word, Griot, refers to a culture of storytellers and historians in western Africa. The Griot is the designated listener of the clan, their day and night are listening to every story, every tale and every anecdote in the village and then passing them on to the next generation. It is believed that when a Griot passes away, it’s no different than a library burning down to the ground.

Francis Bebey, writes about Griots,

The griot knows everything that is going on. He is a living archive of the people's traditions.

Walking around the world, listening to the millions of stories it has to offer. Stories of art and war, of food and poetry, of love and heartbreak, of music and seasons, of nostalgia and yearning. Stories all long and short and stories in between. Stories heard and unheard, and stories nobody wants to hear. Now, I don’t think I’ll ever be a library of human stories. But I can try, right?

This edition of the newsletter, albeit not being the first in the sense of the word, but is without a doubt is the first in this format. Something that I should have published about 5 months ago, and gone on with recounting last year in this one but I am a shit-show. Jokes on you, you signed up for this. Hehe. So, daunting as it is, I would have to start someday and today seems like as good as any. Wish me luck!

Now, this wouldn’t be my newsletter without random tidbits from poetry, prose, illustrations, and music. Music. What good is life without music? Let me round up a few of the songs that encompass my 2021 for me. I hope you find a little bit of yourself here too.

Starting off with, **Mann Kasturi by Amit Kilam. **Picture a balcony, the most non-iconic balcony you can think of, situated in a crowded Patel Nagar street surrounded by hordes and hordes of houses around it. There’s nothing fascinating about this balcony, and yet - this balcony encompasses everything that I could account Delhi of and more. I think my heart is still there on this balcony somewhere.

Secondly, on the list would be **Aaja Piya Tohe Pyaar Du by Lata Mangeshkar. **This is Jiggy’s favourite song of the year, I believe. We’ve spent countless nights listening to it on repeat. While the feelings that are associated with the moment aren’t the best, but grief does have a bigger part in our being than we give it credit for.

We can’t have this list without mentioning this rendition of Mehdi Sahab’s **Mohabbat Karne Wale by Papon. **Another one of the favourites of the night.

After watching Suitable Boy earlier last year, Kavita Seth seemed to have scored a permanent place on the mantle here. **Na Rawa Kahiye by Kavita Seth, **has to be mentioned here without a doubt.

A surprise entry to this list, something that snuck into this list in the last couple of months. This cover of Kaali Kaali Zulfon Ke by Dr. Rida Khan has all my heart.

*दिखाओ ना ये इशवाओ नाज़ हमको *

*सिखाओ ना उल्फत के अंदाज हमको *

*किसी और पर ज़ुल्फ़ का जाल डालो  *

*हमें जिंदा रहने दो ऐ हुस्न वालो *

I haven’t been huge on resolutions for a couple of years now. Last year my resolution was to just be okay and to be able to love without need or fear. I am going to carry these resolutions over to 2022 as well. But there is going to be a new addition. I had another epiphany earlier last year upon my hundredth rewatch of How I Met Your Mother (I love the show way too much, bite me). If you haven’t watched the show, I wouldn’t ruin it for you. Rewatching it sent me onto this whirlpool of emotions, something that made me feel like I am still too young to have marked myself an old person who just wants to sleep and drink tea haha. So I want to breathe in my youth, live and experience everything vividly. I think this illustration by Grant Snider seems to capture my feeling way better than my words.

This tiny piece “You see, I want a lot” by Rilke seems to sing along with how I feel, figured I’d share that too.

You see, I want a lot.
Perhaps I want everything:
the darkness that comes with every infinite fall
and the shivering blaze of every step up.

So many live on and want nothing,
and are raised to the rank of prince
by the slippery ease of their light judgments.

But what you love to see are faces
that do work and feel thirst.

You love most of all those who need you
as they need a crowbar or a hoe.

You have not grown old, and it is not too late
to dive into your increasing depths
where life calmly gives out its own secret.

If this edition feels impersonal than before, it’s because I had found my rhythm in the manner I published these before, and this format seems like a whole new dance altogether. But it will definitely help me accomplish some of the long term goals that I have for this letter, which would have been a struggle over WhatsApp. You’d think that if somebody’s taken months to pen something down, they’d at least figure a bit of it out. Well you’d be wrong xD I am still figuring this out, this will be an ever-changing format until I figure the steps out again. Until then, we keep dancing. *cue Bedardi Raja by Sona Mohapatra *

What are you taking forward to the coming year? What have you left behind? I would like to cover a time capsule in the coming edition. Go forward with how I really wanted to start this newsletter. *Der aaye durust aaye? *So hit me up with stories from 2021, I would love to listen to every single one of them. Let me know what more do you want me to share here, and if you like this one. You know what? Tell me whatever. Comment or write back or anything. Looking forward to it.

I hope you have a good day, a good week and a good year. Be it peace, love, quite, companionship, solace, hugs or cookies; I hope that this year brings you everything that you want.

Happy New Year!

With warmth, hugs and kisses,

Soumya 💛