Since the word "EQ" appeared, people have begun to compare EQ with IQ, which is more important. In terms of function, IQ reflects people's intelligence level, while EQ reflects people's ability to know themselves, control emotions, motivate themselves and deal with interpersonal relationships. However, there are many cases that show that EQ is more important than IQ and can determine the fate of life.
There are two cases:
Zhang Chi has been slow and dull since he went to kindergarten. Other children can count to 100 skillfully, and Zhang Chi has difficulty even counting to 20. After being promoted to high school, the best score only ranked more than 60 in the whole school. But Zhang Chi's parents cooperated closely with his teachers and did a lot of work to cultivate Zhang Chi. For example, cultivate interest and thirst for knowledge first; Establish children's self-confidence; Communicate with teachers; Cultivate good habits; Learn to do things by yourself; Necessary spirit of hardship; Experience parents' painstaking efforts; Being a person is more important than learning. Zhang Chi, who just finished his sophomore year in Beijing No. 4 middle school in 1997, received an undergraduate admission notice from the University of Essex in the United Kingdom. At the age of 22, he received a full scholarship from Cambridge University, becoming the youngest Chinese doctoral student in history, and was responsible for the thesis guidance of 4 masters and 8 undergraduates.
Li Wenzhe, from primary school to junior high school, has been the former five students in his class, although he has changed several schools because of his parents' job transfer. His parents' education of their children is similar to Zhang Chi's, and they attach great importance to the education of their quality behavior. Li Wenzhe's academic performance in high school jumped to 1-2 in the whole school, and he was admitted to Tsinghua University this year.
From the above two examples, we can see that a gifted and intelligent child is a gift from heaven, but the cultivation of EQ after tomorrow can create miracles.
In real life, some people have high IQ but low Eq. they may be excellent in learning and working ability, but their interpersonal relationship is not very good and their career is not very smooth. However, those people with average IQ but high EQ have a positive life, good interpersonal relationships and a fighting spirit. Therefore, such people are particularly easy to succeed. Some people have vividly described "getting a job by IQ and getting promoted by EQ", which is reasonable. Daniel Goleman pointed out in his book emotional intelligence that emotional intelligence is closely related to all aspects of human life and is the key to affect people's happiness and success in life. Emotional intelligence is more important than IQ. Some people say that a person with high IQ can become an excellent accountant, but only those with good IQ and EQ can become senior executives of the company.
Zeng Guofan was a very influential figure in ancient Chinese history. He was not smart when he was a child. He was not that kind of prodigy who never forgets and sees ten lines at a glance. He was similar to ordinary children and even called stupid. One night, he was reading at home. He repeated an article many times, but he still didn't memorize it. At this time, a thief came to the house, lurking under the eaves, hoping to make some profit after the scholar went to bed. But wait, wait, just don't see him sleeping, or read the article over and over. The thief was impatient under the wall and got angry. "What book do you read at this level?" Then recite the article and walk away. Zeng Guofan was stunned by what happened suddenly. When the thief finished reciting the article and ran away, he reacted, smiled and thought: this man is so powerful. After listening to it for several times, he can recite it. It seems that I still don't study hard enough, and I still need to continue to study hard! It is with this tenacity and perseverance that Zeng Guofan created his successful life and became an important historical figure in modern Chinese history, known as the "first famous minister" of the late Qing Dynasty.
Research has confirmed that emotional intelligence plays a decisive role in the success of life. Only when it is combined with emotional intelligence can IQ be brought into full play. Among those who have made great achievements in many fields, a considerable number of people are considered not to have high IQ in school, but they give full play to their EQ and finally succeed.
People with high EQ have an advantage in all fields of life. They have a greater chance of success in love, interpersonal relationships, and dominating their personal destiny. In addition, people with high EQ live more efficiently, are easier to be satisfied, and can use their intelligence to achieve fruitful results. On the contrary, people with low EQ can't control their emotions, and fierce conflicts often occur in their hearts, weakening their practical ability and thinking ability that should have focused on work. In other words, the level of emotional intelligence can determine whether a person can give full play to other abilities (including intelligence), thus determining how much he has achieved.
Specific content of EQ
We have a preliminary understanding of the basic concept of Eq. in order to better understand what EQ is, relevant experts have divided EQ into five specific aspects:
- Self cognitive ability (self-awareness)
Understanding the essence of emotion is the basic point of Eq. this ability to recognize feelings at any time is very important to understand yourself. To put it another way, that is to say: people need self-knowledge. A person should neither overestimate his ability nor underestimate his potential easily. People who overestimate themselves tend to be impetuous and aggressive, and are not good at cooperating with others. When their career is frustrated, their psychological gap is large, and it is difficult to calmly deal with objective facts; People who underestimate their abilities will be timid and hesitant in their work, and they will not have the courage to assume responsibility and responsibility, nor the enthusiasm to volunteer. People with self-knowledge can not only show their strengths in front of others, but also deliberately cover up their shortcomings. Showing your shortcomings and asking others for advice will not lower yourself, but it is a kind of maturity, confidence and sincerity. Self aware people will not easily fail when they encounter setbacks in their work, and will not be complacent when they achieve success in their work.
- Self control (emotional control)
Emotional self-control, in other words, self-discipline. Emotional self-control ability includes controlling your uneasy emotions or impulses, maintaining a clear mind and being able to withstand all aspects of pressure; Win the trust of others with sincerity, and clearly understand that your behavior will affect others at any time. However, in order to show the so-called "self-discipline", it is ridiculous to whitewash and cover up your shortcomings in front of others. Only on the basis of winning the trust of others, being strict with oneself and being lenient to others can we truly gain the respect and approval of others. In addition, self emotion management must be based on self cognition. We should know how to overcome bad emotions, how to comfort ourselves, and get rid of the influence of anxiety, gloom or uneasiness. In this regard, people with less ability often need to fight against low emotions; And those who can control their emotions can quickly get out of the low tide of life and start over.
- Self motivation (self-development)
Generally speaking, people who can motivate themselves are more efficient in doing anything. If a person wants to make continuous progress and advance his personal ability from excellence to excellence, he must strive to cultivate his three qualities of "modesty", "persistence" and "courage". Being modest and able to listen to various opinions will definitely make people progress. Persistence refers to our determination and will to adhere to the right direction and unswerving determination; And only those who have the courage to meet
Only those who challenge and dare to do the most difficult work can truly achieve self transcendence. Just like mark? Twain said, "courage is not a lack of fear, but the ability to resist and control fear." It should be noted that self motivation or creativity requires emotional focus on a certain goal, which is absolute, and the achievement of everything requires emotional self-control - restraint of impulse and delay of satisfaction, and the ability to maintain a high degree of enthusiasm is the driving force for all achievements.
- Ability to recognize others (empathy)
Empathy is one of the basic skills in dealing with people. It also needs to be based on self-awareness. People with empathy can perceive the needs of others from subtle information. This type of person is particularly suitable for medical care, teaching, sales and management. Specifically, people with empathy will think from the perspective of each other no matter what they do, and will always put their hearts in others' shoes. Some common sayings and proverbs also just express the truth that people need empathy to get along with others, such as "people have the same heart, empathy", "if you want to know, turn it upside down". There is no fixed formula to follow in the relationship between people. From the perspective of caring for and understanding others, leaving space and room for others when doing things, thinking for others when misunderstandings occur, actively reflecting on their own mistakes, and being brave to take responsibility are the key to a person's success. With empathy, we can avoid many complaints, censures, ridicules and sarcasm, and we can work and live happily in an environment full of encouragement, understanding, support and respect.
- Ability of interpersonal relationship management (leadership and influence)
Interpersonal relationship is the art of managing others' emotions. A person's popularity, leadership and interpersonal harmony are all related to this ability. Those who fully master this ability are usually the best in the society. Interpersonal relationship includes influence in social communication, ability to listen and communicate, ability to deal with conflicts, ability to establish relationships, ability to cooperate and coordinate, ability to persuade and influence, etc.
Among the above five aspects, the first three only involve "self", which is the understanding, management, motivation and restraint of one's own emotions; The latter two aspects involve "others". We should put ourselves in others' emotions and achieve interpersonal harmony by properly managing others' emotions. In other words, the basic connotation of EQ actually includes two parts: the first part is to know, understand and properly manage your emotions anytime, anywhere; The second part is to know, understand and properly manage others' emotions anytime, anywhere.