In this fast-paced world with a stronger sense of distance, it is a grateful blessing to be missed, to be able to show concern for people, and even a manifestation of one's goodwill. But unfortunately, not everyone's care makes people feel comfortable and comforted. Many times, "care" spreads negative energy that hurts people.
When I was pregnant a few years ago, a relative came to visit me. Without saying three words, he began to "ask" me to be careful in everything. After half an hour, I listened to her with a stiff smile about all kinds of pregnant women's abortion Stories: walking may miscarry, riding may miscarry, bathing may miscarry, eating East and West may miscarry... It seemed that "there is always one for you". In short, it felt strange. When welcoming the arrival of the newborn, in fact, what I need more in my heart is a little blessing.
A friend often complains to me that his son's homework is not good, playful and inattentive. How hard he talks to his son and reports interest classes and intensive classes to his son, but his son doesn't appreciate it, but he is more and more alienated from her.
I have seen the scene of "Sanniang Godson" twice: the mother's face is anxious, and the son is sitting there, "look at others * *, go on like this, you'll wait..." such words appear at least once every minute. The mother is too good at "elimination", constantly teaching her children what is wrong and wrong, but forgetting to give advice on how to act. I don't know how strong an 11-year-old child can be, but if someone treats me like this every day, I guess I'm half crazy.
They are all kind-hearted people and have a close relationship. They absolutely hope that all the people they care about will be beautiful. But this warning and threatening concern aroused more disgust. The more this concern, the more depressing it is because it overemphasizes the dangers you face without giving any positive advice. It's like wiping tears at a person with a cold and saying, "Oh, don't develop pneumonia. Maybe it will eventually become septicemia.". This concern is a negative energy transmitted in the name of goodwill, and sometimes it is a very effective "Curse".
Recently, an unfamiliar "big sister" often contacted me through wechat. After a brief greeting, I asked about the current situation, and I told the truth. In fact, I was just living abroad temporarily and wanted to do something with my friends at home. Then she seriously reminded me that you are wrong. How can you think so? Next, I didn't listen to anything at all. I analyzed it myself: do you have a problem with your marriage and want to separate from your husband? The child doesn't care?
I'm surprised. It's nothing more than to continue to contact China through the Internet and do something. Why does it involve marriage? Because I didn't know her for long and didn't think it was necessary to explain, I found an excuse to end the conversation. After dinner, I found a pile of messages from her on wechat urging me to "listen to other people's opinions and don't give up marriage". Buy cakes! Inexplicable. More inexplicably, after a while, other people in our common circle knew that I "had a problem with my marriage".
It makes people very unhappy. If you just misinterpret me, it makes sense. Maybe it's because I have an unclear expression, but if I spread it after misinterpretation, it's difficult to explain it with goodwill. Or like to put on the cloak of care to explore other people's lives, and then chew the root of the tongue; Or it is really concerned, but in a more morbid way, it gives people the feeling that "I'm afraid others are all right".
Care, what a beautiful and kind word. Since childhood, we have been taught to "have others in our hearts" and know how to send warmth when others need it. However, care is a matter of testing character and cultivation. Regardless of those false concerns that are ill intentioned in themselves, even if we really think about them from the bottom of our heart, will our care make the people concerned feel warm and powerful? Or often, our concern is the last straw to destroy each other's confidence?
Care is a curse if you don't pay attention. The more we care about people, the more we worry about their accidents, and even practice their accident scenes in our hearts, and then the more we think, the more we fear. So we told each other our worries, which is understandable. Life is complex and dangerous. It's no problem to remind them that there is thunder ahead.
But, over reminding, how do you let them walk? And this road may be the only way for them to live. This kind of care, if not used properly, will disintegrate the courage of the people concerned, and even subvert their trust, interest and desire for good things. Many parents have made such mistakes, or more seriously, in order to make the people they care about safe, they began to take over the responsibility, evolved from replacing other people's thoughts to replacing other people's actions, and finally completely made the life of the people they care about meaningless.
Care can also become an infringement if you are not careful. The starting point may be good, but excessive exploration is also a disturbance to other people's lives. People live a lifetime, everyone has encountered something, someone cares and helps, very happy. However, some difficulties must be overcome by yourself, some things must be thought out by yourself, and do not want others to intervene too much. Therefore, too willful "care" may infringe on other people's privacy and autonomy in life.
There is also a concern that is too showy. For example, deliberately close to the people to "send warmth", or in the process of caring for others, I always don't forget to show off myself, "look, I happen to have what you don't have! I just made what you did wrong!" This kind of "care" is definitely not true, good and beautiful to the people concerned. The people who accept its care must also feel the hypocrisy.
So it's not easy to care. First of all, we should be sincere, but there is only one cavity of enthusiasm. People do not necessarily appreciate it. We should also pay attention to ways and methods. Superficial concern is just no energy, not negative energy. But it's a sad thing to let your concern become a negative energy to hit and stab others.
Therefore, care can not be self-centered, but think more from the perspective of the other party. If you have good suggestions, you can tell them to each other; If not, it's better to be silent and bless them with a smile.