In the heat of August 2020, I challenged myself to spend an hour per day (or per night, per middle of the dark of night, let's be honest) making music. I did it for about a month straight. This song was one of the artifacts I created, discovered from thin air, over that period of time.

Artifact: Hot Tears, Cold Lake (day 2) [song]
Date Created: August 28th, 2020
Transition Timeline: 2.5 years into my non-binary social transition. Less than a month after my first micro-dose of testosterone. Pre top-surgery.
Produced + Written: by Moi (I believe this is actually my first truly solo electronic music release, of my entire life !!!)
Location: Naramata, Okanagan, Canada
Cover Art: Original image found on Pintrest, and regenerated used DALL-E AI. Graphic elements + added design by me.
Paying Rent In: Echo Park, LA
Muse: …death?
Relationships of Influence: Rama, Shiva, Lauren, Dad, K8
Notes:
As I've been creating the Museum of Forrest (a curation of my life’s works), I've been categorizing my pieces into themes. So far we've got: love/romance, self-empowerment, spirituality, nature and transition. I realized a really important one was missing...the polarity of depression/hope. When I told this to CY (a co-creator on the project) he was like, "Really? Is that a theme in your art?" And it made me realize that people may not know how deep or how long I really struggled with nuances of this fifth theme for. Staying on Earth wasn’t always my preference.

Fast forward to me listening back to this song recently, and I burst into tears, which let me tell you is NOT (physically) easy for a trans man to do lol. Felt great to weep! This song is so fucking real. Sometimes I forget what it was like to be so saturated with grief; grief for a Self I didn’t know I could become. Sadness followed me like a shadow from about age 10 until I transitioned. Maybe a year and a half ago is when things really started to get consistently easier. I’m so gratefullllll.

To all those of you who are struggling right now, please know that you are not alone; know that you are loved; know there is hope.
Please reach out for help at the phone lines below:
Suicide Hotline Canada: 1-833-456-4566
Suicide Hotline USA: 988

Lyrics:

VERSE 1
Hot tears in a cold lake, sweet nature's own swimming pool [I’ve been swimming in this same spot, in this same lake since I was 10. My first time self-harming was also at age 10, behind the chicken coop at my aunt’s farm nearby.]
Blue layers of muffled cries, I asked God to be here soon
I prayed for a favour, please don't let me take my life
And if it's my night to die, take me past my father's time
Take me past my father's time
Take me past my father's time
Take me past

VERSE 2
Hot tears in a cold lake, underwater and out of sight
Red clouds in a sunset, billows of blood sacrifice
I prayed for a favour, please don't let me die next week
And if it's my time to pass, take my ashes to the creek [it flows into the lake right here]
Take my ashes to the creek
And if it's my time to pass, take my ashes to the creek
Take my ashes to the creek

My song notes as per 11/28/20 (that I shared with my then-manager K8) were:

• Emo house vibes

• Kind of a bop tbh. Could be that track on the project.

• Love the pitched down format, again.

• Very watery yet with Janet Jackson drums

• Gets muddy with the synths – needs cleaning

I also want to release songs called "Sleep In Deep" and "Trust Me" from this collection/time-frame. But in the mean time - I'm going to start releasing music on Spotify again! June 16th will be my next release, of my song “Mid-May” with a cadence of 4 weeks apart per release after that. This is the plan!

It’s been fulfilling to see other artists experiment with “imperfect minting” too! I’m excited, as a web3 music community, to continue uncovering how we can spiritually + financially support an entire middle class of independent artists to share their creative processes, building fulfilling relationships while doing so. Perhaps even a re-vamped web3 patreon is overdue!? What do you think?

Thanks for being here, thank you for reading, thank you for listening - and as always:

✰ collection optional ✰
☑︎ enjoyment encouraged ☑︎

With Love,
Forrest