There is more information packed into a five-minute match than in five years of training. But so few of us ever step into the arena. Why?
To the observer, there is only one obstacle, and that is the opponent. But the true Warriors know that they face an internal and an external adversary, both cunning and treacherous.
In many ways, confronting the external adversary is the easier task. This is so often the sole focus of our training. But conquering the internal adversary, or better yet, making him our ally – no one tells you how to do that. That’s an intricate puzzle we must solve ourselves.
We focus our training on the external adversary. Meanwhile, the internal adversary skulks in the shadows, whispering dark secrets into our psyches, growing stronger by the second.
Fortunately, the internal adversary grows weaker in daylight. If we can bring him out into the sun, sit with him, have a conversation, he softens, spills his guts, becomes a known and trusted part of our being.
I would not have realized this had I not decided to compete again after three years away. A lot has changed. I have a little boy now, my professional life looks completely different, I’ve overhauled my body, I’ve taken my mind and soul down to the studs, rebuilding both from the foundation up. I have brought the internal adversary out into the light of day. It has been a gut-wrenching growth and training process.
All the while my Jiu Jitsu practice remained consistent. But there was a slackness to it. It had a quality of looseness and exploration. Much whimsy, not much iron. The decision to fight again, to play for keeps, shifted everything. To say I put on iron armor is inaccurate. It would be better to say that the iron armor emerged from my soul and girded my being.
What’s different now is that the internal adversary sits in the sunlight. During my first match, he was freaking the fuck out, and he cost us the fight. The internal adversary thought it would be a great idea to fight angry and that deliberate emotional shift came at the price of presence. Defeat by a swift calf crusher. I’m still limping.
But the internal adversary mostly blew his wad in that first fight. For the second, he was quiet. I was in control of the fight, operating on instinct. Only when I let the thinking mind take over did I make a tactical blunder that would cost me the fight.
I walked away with two losses. But I do not feel like a loser. For the first time, I feel like a true Warrior. I know how to master the internal adversary. The path forward is clear to me. And my iron armor is on.
Category: Outer Work (Also Inner work)
Tag: Hobbyist/Competitor
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