As an institution committed to sandwich diversity and inclusion, we wish to respond to this study questioning our sandwich categorization policies.

We emphatically reject the offensive insinuation that we would ever “discriminate” against or “marginalize” sandwiches. Such defamatory claims are patently false and beneath the dignity of sandwich scholars. We reject accusations of “pseudo-science” or biases our professors held against PB&J varieties.

Our administrators have won several grilling competitions and have never been sued for food poisoning. We celebrate the diversity of ingredients within our campus sandwich ecosystem through inclusion best practices like culturally responsive condiments and equitable sandwich wrap distribution.

Statistical tracking of sandwich preferences helps us support marginalized subgroups without allowing any single variety to dominate the discourse. These policies follow national sandwich quantification’s best practices.

We aim to foster open dialogue on how to further enrich the sandwich experience for all. However, we will not tolerate baseless accusations or divisive rhetoric that only serve to undermine our sincere aims for sandwich equity and inclusion.

This minor disagreement over sandwich quantification must not overshadow our unwavering commitment to sandwich diversity and harmony. We invite the authors to collaborate productively on reforms using empirically supported sandwich diversity frameworks. There is room at our tables for sandwiches of all identities to come together in a spirit of mutual understanding.

However, statistical tracking of certain subgroups, including PB&J sandwiches, is necessary to ensure equitable representation and allocation of resources. If PB&J preferences are not quantified, they risk being overlooked. Our sandwich taxonomy procedures follow national best practices for capturing the sandwich experience in all its dimensions and our policies remain unchanged.

Finally, these policies were established by leading sandwich scholars and a broad coalition of sandwich advocates. Suggesting nefarious motives falsely maligns our sincere aims for sandwich equity. We invite the study authors to collaborate on reforms that enrich the sandwich experience for all, without diminishing the validity of PB&J identity. There is room at our dining hall tables for sandwiches of all stripes.